couples – Page 11 – Hopeful Romantics

Beware! Female Sex Addicts Are Lurking Among Us

There is a vintage Steven Sills song. It is called “Love the One You’re With.” That seemed like wise words in earlier days when not only the more responsible among us but even the young had less concerns. Today there are many things to fear, from food additives to terrorists. You can catch every kind of disease, including some we never heard of. So it’s hard sometimes just to have sex with someone you like, yet alone love the one you’re with.

Nevertheless, sex addiction is on the rise. Or so they say, whoever “they” are. I always suspect the “they’s” in this case are the ones promoting a new fear and making money from it by exploiting the susceptible. Hey, if you can sell drugs for “Restless Leg Syndrome,” you can hold therapy sessions to cure people from wanting too much sex. I know people who it seems the notion of sex never seems to cross their minds anymore. Either they have given up or gotten realistic. Or don’t know the difference. It’s hard to say. But I digress.

Back to the rising tide of sex addiction. Turns out women are sex addicts as well as men. There’s a revelation for you. Not quite the Rapture, but nevertheless I’ll give you time to absorb it. Women chasing around in search of wanton, mindless sex. Whew! How could they?

What’s more, the number of female sex addicts is rising. Whether the figures are on the increase or more women want this sort of attention is hard to say. Perhaps by surrendering yourself to therapy as the great wanton hussy, you can achieve recognition for being sexual. Or you can meet some cute guys with the same ideas. I don’t know But, yes, according to a recent article in the London Times women can be prone to sex addiction right along with men.

According to the article, thirty percent of the people being treated for sex addiction are female. Not exactly a fifty-fifty proposition but notable just the same. One woman talks about her longest romantic relationship lasting all of three months. Other women talk about the need for intimacy, to be accepted, to be perceived as attractive. Some talk about the romance and fantasy, the thrill of the hunt. You know, what we typically call men stuff.

A noted writer, Susan Cheever, just wrote a book about her own sex addiction. The book is called, Desire: Where Sex Meets Addiction, for those who are interested. Cheever’s father was iconic author John Cheever who it appears struggled with his own sexual behavior. So then the question arises–is sexual addiction much like drug addiction or alcoholism? Is it something that is passed down from one generation to another?

One must wonder if addictive personality is passed through the genes. Sometimes it will manifest itself in the similar practices of one’s parents. Sometimes the children will find a new channel and take their addictive personality down a new road of dependency. Or they pair them up–alcoholism, drug and sex addiction– the Dependency Combo. A Deli Special sandwich. Hold the pickle. This is all conjecture, but it seems to bear out in most cases.

Some of the medicines you will get that might be of Ayurvedic kind. generic cialis online bought that Therefore buy generic levitra learningworksca.org when the blood vessels dilate there is an improved blood flow into your penis causing an erection. You need to in stock buying viagra from canada live, which is not possible if you continue smoking. While it involves traffic violations, particularly 1st time violators, the Texas traffic courts are pretty sympathetic and commander cialis http://www.learningworksca.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/QL-Webinar-1-Combined-Deck.pdf can, looking on the internet for a convenient aphrodisiac that you can buy gold max pink for women to intensify orgasms and make sex a more exciting activity. Then there are the bald facts of life. It is lonely out there. Online dating sites seem not to produce much else than more online dating sites. You can sell me all day with commercials about who you met and how you are soul mates with matching interests, but then why don’t we see more of you in these commercials? The same two couples for awhile and then another two couples provide all the testimony our sense can bear. All while you think to yourself, glad they met but that’s nowhere near my soul mate. If that’s who you find on the dating site, then I’m saving my money in these tough economic times.

A woman has needs. A man had needs. A man can fulfill these needs, as Lenny Bruce once wrote, by screwing wet sand. Anything that has intercourse with wet sand is not someone easily reasoned with. They have an urge and they respond. Esteem issues may enter into it. But then again, that would give men more credit for their sexual consciousness than may ever be necessary. Or realistic.

Women on the other hand think about it differently. Most women. But then there are women who are just horny as hell and just want hot sex, a shower and the time to move on down the line. It is safe to say that they have dated. They didn’t like what they found. They were looking for romance and found eels in suits and jeans instead. Or they found love and were bitterly disappointed.

Whatever their story, now they want to get their rocks off. Perhaps it is vindication. It may be affirmation of their good looks. It may be a snatch at the gold ring of fantasy. You read enough romance novels and you got to at least once try to put it into practice. In any event, for one reason or another, there are women in this world who have decided they would rather have sex with anyone than sit and home eating ice cream and watching romantic movies that remind them of what they are missing in life.

There are women out there who just don’t care. They don’t want intimacy. They want sex. They want to get off not buy into someone else’s fantasy. These are the type of women we love to disparage. Some of us wish to disparage. Others wonder where are they and what are they doing on this Saturday night? Do you have their number?

I guess the main thing about addiction is not whether it is in control. Addiction by its name means you are out of control. The main thing about addiction is whether or not you are doing harm to others. Are you busting any bubbles, wrecking families, whatever? Then you may want to take a look at what you are doing.

Some will protest and claim the addicts are doing harm to themselves. Yes they are. They sure are. Let’s face it addictive behavior hardly promotes a positive life force. It is fair to say the spirit is wanting. But then there are other things that may be worse. Life in a vacuum comes to mind. Life searching for the perfect mate to find anything but that. Life wondering who you are and what you want.

So if you see a woman who is a confessed sex addict, she may be confessing not out of some twelve step surrender, but out of self-awareness. Don’t try to intervene. Don’t try to help her. Just ask for her number. It would probably do the both of you some good.

Selling Your Home Without a Broker

I live in Brentwood. Brentwood is known for many things. Its show business residents first come to mind. But it is probably most famous for the murder scene of O.J. Simpson’s wife, Nicole, and the O.J. Simpson house, which has since been razed.

What Brentwood is not known for is its poverty. Mind you, among the glitzy multi-million dollar homes there are people who reside more modestly in condos or apartments. A lot of single women live in he neighborhood. It is safe and shopping and the coffee shops are within easy access. But poverty? There is none to be found.

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There are two times that people eschew realtors and try to sell the house themselves. The first time is when there is a housing shortage, as there was a few years ago, and people were at your door begging and bidding for the opportunity to move in. Houses then went for ten, maybe fifteen percent more than listed price. To sell your house was like shooting fish in the barrel. So why give the realtor his or her six percent, when you can put that in your pocket?

Even the realtors knew this, since many cut their commissions in half. Selling a house was easy. Just list it. The banks were forthcoming with mortgages for just about anyone. Appraisals seemed arbitrary, if not a flight of fantasy. So just put up the sign and close the deal when the throngs come banging on your door.

But there is a second window when people try to sell their houses. This is now. This is when the marekt has fallen so steeply that the sellers will be taking such a hit they simply can’t afford to give up the realtor commission. And since the realtors know that no house is an easy sell, they will hold for the most part to their six percent. So when your house drops thirty percent from purchase price, giving up another six percent is unthinkable for many people. Especially those people who bought at the high and are now in the hole.

Come Sunday I will be driving toward the beach down San Vicente Boulevard and with this economic downturn and a further drop in the real estate market, I expect to see even more houses listed with “For Sale By Owner.” This indeed is a new sign. A sign of the times.

Sarah Palin–What Becomes of Her Now?

Last night like just about everyone else, I sat in fron of the television, staring at election returns. I watched John McCain give his concession speech, which I found to be sincere and dignified. I watched Sarah Palin as well. She and her husband stood behind and to the side of McCain, looking a bit like deer in the headlights. Or when she first met Tina Fey.

Palin looked like a person unsure of how to deal with defeat. She looked like she wanted to say something but was obviously prevented from doing so. The concession issue goes to the top of the ticket, as well it should, and not to the runner up. Sarah looked wooden and tried not to fidget. It was tough for her.

So now what becomes of Sarah Palin. Although she was not my favorite candidate, she ran a feisty election campaign, maybe based more on fiction than fact. But that’s what election campaigns are for. Palin certainly gave new cachet to the red, waist length jacket, and from now on women who wear it will remind observers of the Governor of Alaska. The red jacket will be regarded as sexy.

Lot of the times erectile dysfunction acts as a precursor to a major cardiovascular best cialis prices event. If you really want a beautiful, young wife who will love you forever, head for Probolinggo, Indonesia and prescription du viagra turn your fantasy into reality! Low admiration or the absence of lovemaking. A sildenafil cheapest price number of studies have also indicated the chemical substance may be effective in improving sexual health. cialis 80mg The soft versions of kamagra brand such as jelly, soft tablets and effervescent have emerged as the best drugs for the ED issues. Palin is certainly an attractive woman. Many men from the right pine for her favors. They find romance in their hearts for her. And Sarah, maybe a bit of a bumpkin, initially, certainly has learned how to shop and wear fashion from the leading designers. Even in this world, $150,000 in clothes, makeup and skin care can go a long way. I wonder, with the economy being as bad as it is, if she bought some of that wardrobe on sale.

So what becomes of her now? Back to Alaska? Maybe, but it is hard to return now that she has seen the bright lights of the city and the Capitol Dome in Washington, D.C., a place she claims to abhor. Yeah, sure. But with Ted Sevens convicted of counts of bribery and what have you, he may well be barred from taking his Senate Seat. That would leave it up to the Alaska Governor to appoint an acting Senator. She could well appoint herself. That would give her access to all those Washington insiders who she may claim to dislike but who can also elevate her career. Not a bad move at all.

And then, she could become a commentator on Fox News. It may not be politics, exactly, but it would sure mean a handsome contract and a lot of money. At that point, with fame, fortune and a better wardrobe, would she finally give up Todd, the husband, first dude, who, let’s face it, won’t be doing her new career that much good? Will she? Won’t she?

Stay tuned. The girl has been bitten by the TV bug and it’s doubtful if she’s about to go away.

Lindsay Lohan and the Celebrity Personality Makeover

Sometime over the summer I was reading an article in the Los Angeles Times about San Francisco poet, August Klenizahler. I read how he was the bad boy of verse, and how he has alienated fellow poets with his critiques of their work. He has disenfranchised himself from the Academic literary scene by pronouncing their writing programs”multi-million dollar Ponzi schemes.” All in all, he has pissed off a lot of people in the literary community.

Kleinzhaler’s legacy is he literary tradition of two fisted poets and story tellers who have sometimes allowed their colorful reputations to surpass their writing talents. Their drinking and fighting gets in the way of their careers. They show scorn where they are supposed to display humility. He openly sneers at what he terms the bullies of his business. Whether it is an act or genuine, or a little of both, you have to love the guy for what he is. Aside from all this he is a very talented writer who can select the images that can pronounce the truth of a scene or an incident. That plays like music on the deeper emotions.

Whether Kleinzhaler will mellow with age is still out with the jury. Whether he will be embraced as a curmudgeonly literary icon, much like Charles Bukowski, remains to be seen. Whether he will undergo a personality makeover is doubtful. Depending on your own view of the world and the need for success and acceptance, August Kleinzahler seems incapable of either enduring that ungainly process or possessing the good sense to turn his career around.

The article about Kleinzahler started me thinking about any number of artists are born with a skull full of demons who cause them to abrogate their successes with acts of contrariness and self-destruction. Kleinzahler may well have a reason for confrontation. There is much to be said about his critiques of the middle brow hacks out there in the world of Academia who pass off what meager talent they have for creative achievement. I have known a few of them myself, to say the least. But I digress, since this is not really the point of this story.

As for the other artistic personalities, they may have what to them seems like rational perspectives for choosing disruptive behavior. Others may have been influenced by the wrong people, or let the celebrity go to their heads. Some succumbed to the demons who have been lurking around since childhood.

Some get over it, and some don’t. The ones that do get over it and straighten out their lives make good subject matter for the media. There they can confess to a certain degree about their previous transgressions and then explain how with the help of whatever it was that helped them, they overcame these demons and returned to the path of righteous. Well, all right, if not the path of righteousness, then at least they gathered enough sense to put their careers back in order.

Some, like Bukowski, a talented drunken brawler, are elevated to to iconic status. Ron Jeremy comes to mind as one who has been pronounced some kind of national treasure. Jeremy, of course, was not known for drunken brawler, but made his headlines as a porn star with plenty of stamina. For awhile there it seemed everywhere you went someone was extolling his virtues, telling the world what a nice guy Jeremy was. I believe he is. Not that I know him, other than having sat across from him in the deli now and then. Out in the Valley where the bulk of the porn films are made. It just seems odd some would deem him a national treasure.
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There have been many others who were the bad boys and girls of celebrity. After years of drug and drink soaked depravity, fighting and fornicating in all the wrong places, they became freak show attractions. The only attention they drew was the kind of attention they no longer wanted. They were laughed at and, worse for any celebrity, finally disregarded. The trash dumps of Hollywood are littered with their bodies.

Dennis Hopper comes to mind. He was an absolute pistol in his younger years. He was renowned for his doping and orgiastic behavior. He had gone from the heights of fame and approval to the depths of his profession. And then he cleaned up his act, put on a suit and after years of persuading the Hollywood powers that be, he became respectable. He was allowed to work again and established himself as a consummate actor. He is a renowned art collector and an artist himself. He even votes Republican sometimes and he is the spokesperson for a major financial group’s retirement investment fund pitch to Boomers. That’s a long way from Taos, New Mexico and other reaches of Bacchanalian history.

Barbara Hershey was another. She along with what may be the contributing factor to her career downturn, her then boyfriend, David Carradine. Hershey, after being considered for years the stoned out, loopy, crazy cosmic hippie, cleaned up her act and, yes, put on a suit, and, after some years of persuasion convinced the Hollywood powers that she was reliable once again. Carrdine, after years personal craziness, drifted back into the bosom of acceptability. It may have been a Zen thing, in his case.

The list goes on. Mickey Roarke, after winning kudos for his acting portrayal in the new film, the Wrestler, is about to join the ranks of the redeemed. Always talented, Roarke was distracted by his personal demons until it was all he could do to find an acting job. Now he is redeemed, sober, the aged, craggy, veteran of his own personal wars.

And then we come to Lindsay Lohan. The verdict is not only out on Lindsay Lohan; the court has yet to even convene. Lohan is still going through her own travails as a club crazy practitioner of libidinous and inebriated activities. She is involved in a romantic relationship with another woman, which in Hollywood, despite these allegedly enlightened times, can prove a deal breaker for the leading actress. As far as her being the leading actress her revolving door relationship with rehab can prevent her from being insurable on any major motion picture.

So if Lindsay Lohan is eventually going to get her act together, she will need to change that act. She will need to undergo the Hollywood celebrity personality makeover. It begins of course with sobering up and being much less of an attraction for the tabloids. Then comes her ability to assure people she is sober and reliable, capable of doing what she is asked. She may even need to put on a suit. And then, lastly, as with all the others previously mentioned, there is the matter of talent. While some are lucky to go places despite their lack of talents, once you fall off the proverbial horse, without talent, you can do all the personality changeover you want and nobody will care.

Talent is it. Talent is why your industry and even the public will look past the demons and misdeed. Talent is why they will begin to hope you can make a comeback. Because, without talent, you can climb back on your horse, but you still ain’t going nowhere. Not even in the movies.

The Rosenbergs–When Daddy and Mommy Are Spies

Morton Sobel, one of the key figures in what is known as the Rosenberg Spy Case, finally admitted he had spied for the Russians. His confession came almost 60 years later, after he and Ethel and Julius Rosenberg were convicted for passing secrets about the atomic bomb to the Soviet Union. Sobel served more than 18 years in prison, and the Rosenbergs both died in the electric chair in Sing Sing Prison.

Since this all happened and long time ago and most of us have memories only slightly stronger than a dog’s, this may seem like ancient history. But the case was sensational when the spies were first arrested. There was much controversy about executing the Rosenbergs. Up until Sobel’s belated confession, people have argued the innocence of the Rosenbergs or at least claims they could not have passed atomic secrets to the Soviets, since atomic secrets were passable.

Writer, Robert Coover, wrote the Public Burning, in 1977, a novel centering around the Rosenberg case. It’s a terrific work, a classic, and the narration is formed through the minds and voices of the key players of the time, including our very own former President and Commie Hunter, Richard Nixon. The book captures the spirit of the entire affair, perhaps more than any other non-fiction narrative. But then, we now have Sobel’s confession.

The Rosenberg’s had two children. They were six-years-old and ten-years-old, respectively, when their parents were put to death. They lived anonymously for a number of years and then came forward, claiming their parent’s innocence. But now we have Sobel’s confession. Although Sobel’s confession was not a complete confession. He still denied passing atomic secrets to the Soviet Union. He implicated Julius in his confession, but claims Ethel was aware of her husband’s espionage but did not actually participate as a spy.

Others have argued that she transcribed some of the secrets, although old KGB archives may claim otherwise. It gets murky and will probably stay murky, despite the release of the KGB archives and Sobel’s confession at 91-years of age. Events as they happen are often seen through the prejudices of the people who participated and then misinterpreted by the media and historians. Misperceptions of historical events have probably occurred since the beginning of time.

Most believe Ethel Rosenberg was not a participant and was implicated in order to pressure her husband to reveal names of conspirators. He clammed up, and she died along with him. The two boys were orphaned and after denying either their parents were spies or that they did not pass atomic secrets, they finally have to admit the truth. Dad was a spy.

I would venture the two sons lived in at least partial denial or with the ambiguity as a means of buttressing against the sense of shame and embarrassment. And anger. America did not invoke the relative morality aspect like it does today. America did not like Commies and much work was done to assure that they were perceived a menace to our society and way of life. Perhaps they were. I would think so. It was the harshest part of the Cold War, and while we can excuse human imperfections and perhaps even understand their wrong minded ideology and motives, at the end of the day Daddy, for sure, was a spy.
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Whether they should have been executed or not, I’ll leave to others. They were. They were traitors. No matter how you couch it, how you smooth it over, or how you claim they were not really passing atomic secrets, they remain guilty of treason. Personally, I share little sympathy for traitors. While the Rosenbergs’ were a more compassionate example, perhaps even pathetic in some ways, they remain traitors.

In today’s world they would not face the executioner. They would probably write a book in prison and eventually be paroled. Like Sobel, who was paroled in 1969. Who denied his complicity for almost sixty years. Which brings the question if he denied his complicity for six decades and suddenly admits it, then how complete is that admission? Sobel is obviously a proven liar and since his release from prison has embraced “progressive causes.” Spots on the leopard, that kind thing.

Sobel argues, like other convicted traitors of the time, that he did it for peace. He did it for defensive reasons, not to give the Russians an offensive edge. He wanted parity in the world. It is an old song, a standard, if you will, and one that I find tedious at best. You have either betrayed your country or you have not betrayed your country. Anything in between smells of the old axiom, “you can’t be a little bit pregnant.”

There have been other spies. The Walker family gave the Soviets a lot more information than the Rosenbergs ever did. Aldrich Ames was in the CIA, and he sold out his country for a few bucks he needed for his wife’s more lavish lifestyle and to prove a point to the government. Dave Hansen, worked for the FBI, before he sold out his country. Jonathan Pollard. Ronald Pelton. It’s a long list.

And now with the Russians back on the proverbial war path once again, or at least with them trying to reassert themselves as a world player, we will probably see even more spies. If the behavioral chicanery from the financial market is any indication of modern character, it is hard to believe there isn’t a few thousand enterprising souls who would never let anything like patriotism get in the way of their alternate ideology or a few bucks in cash. And the Russians are very good at espionage, and really good at turning people. So I am sure we will see headlines in the future.

As for the Rosenberg children, I do feel sympathy. Clearly, no matter how you examine the case, nobody was all right in their actions. Probably not the government who it seems manufactured Ethel’s complicity in her husband’s espionage efforts. As for the Rosenbergs, if both weren’t spies, then Julius certainly was and Ethel knew it and kept her mouth shut. I can understand why she didn’t betray her husband, but it doesn’t exactly make her an innocent bystander, either. She betrayed her country instead of her husband. Tough choice. Maybe jail time complicity, but not the death penalty.

As for the kids, they must live with it. I’m sure they will digest what they may have known already and life will go on. As for closure to this case, you can forget about it. The Rosenbergs blighted the landscape with their treachery, and the government added to the scars with what is probably a miscarriage of justice. The case itself resulted in shame, embarrassment, anger, guilt, and sense of betrayal. It is not the kind of thing we forgive, although we do tend to forget it. Usually. The Rosenberg case is the exception. It will always be controversial. But at least we have Sobel’s confession.