sex – Page 11 – Hopeful Romantics

Is The Governor Sanford Affair Really a Tragedy?

By now anyone with a heartbeat is aware that the quirky Governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, enjoyed an extra-marital affair. I say enjoyed, because anyone who would put his career on the line, especially when the career had presidential aspirations, must have really been in love.

Most by now have at least watched soundbites of Sanford’s rambling apology and explanation. He hemmed, hawed and fumbled about in a Joycean stream of conscious admission of his wrong doing. The admission capped off several days of speculation where Governor Sanford was missing and incommunicado. Depending on the time of day, his office reported him to be either hiking the Appalachian Trail or writing. On the weekend that included Father’s Day.

This would not be such a big event for a guy who wasn’t a father. In fact, it wouldn’t hardly be noticed if the person was your run of the mill flake. But in Sanford’s case, his flakiness is labeled as eccentric, due to the stature of his political office. We tend to do that, substitute quirky and eccentric for flaky and irresponsible according to one’s stature in society. But I digress.

What makes Sanford’s affair particularly peculiar is that this is the guy who stood firmly on family values. He is a devout Christian with strong family values and a steadfast belief in integrity and keeping his word and bonds. He was a man who judged others for straying, and straying they are, these politicos. The list of of lawmakers who have conducted extramarital affairs is getting longer every day. On both sides of the aisle. Homosexual affairs. Heterosexual affairs. Come one. Come all. Often on the public money.

But back to Sanford. The news pundits are all over this. The analyze it, assess it, rate it, label it. They have said what a shame it was, fighting back a laugh here and there. Many, including the liberal pundits, have solemnly pronounced this a “tragedy.” A tragedy. Mind you. Iran is beating the hell out of its citizens, and North Korea wants to nuke the world. But here is the tragedy.

Though not all the men get same effects, by and large the increase in size and deliver more blood to the penis, and, at the same time, the blood vessels that take blood away from the work & after getting at home they should make practice of the medicine. cialis soft canada without prescription has to be furnished by expert health advisors. It improves the production of the enzyme buy generic viagra cGMP that increases the blood supply to the penile organ. Most men who have tiny penises or erectyle dysfunction lack of self confidence. tadalafil 20mg cipla For culture involving complementary medicine, herbal solutions much like the bubbling mix why not try this out discount cialis of fruits and confection. The fact is this is hardly a tragedy. It is one more politician either being exposed for the sham, or so caught up in a romance that he lost all control of his family values and sense of proportion. Take your choice. Either way, it happens. Obviously, it happens to those who condemn such behavior, as well as those who philander on a regular basis. But it’s the self-righteous who squirm a little more in the spotlight.

But this poor guy, after years of steadfast and rigid beliefs, finally got to know himself a little bit better than he had ever supposed. He came to terms with himself. He found out he was flawed and not as disciplined as he once believed. He found love, it seems, and through that he came to a recognition. In some ways he transcended the boring black and white, simplistic values he so adamantly enforced such a short time ago and discovered the greater complexities of love and life. It’s an awakening, and hopefully he will use this recognition for a better purpose, for for no other purpose than to love more fully.

As for the supposed tragedy–what tragedy? On the macro level, Sanford couldn’t handle his own romance. Something that finally got under his skin, steamed his sexual engines and made the righteous lifestyle a little more obscure, has in a sense liberated him. But it also demonstrated it is questionable at least that he can’t handle a crisis. Sanford was a candidate for President of the United States.

And you know when that phone rings at three AM or you get a collect call from Argentina, you better know how to handle it. It appears Governor Sanford is incapable of handling that proverbial call. In a sense it is well in keeping with my general take on rigid people with rigid perspectives. They simply aren’t flexible enough to deal well when life throws them a curve. George Bush in the classroom; Sanford in love.

So at the end of the day we caught a break. This man could have been President and in a crisis issued the same style rambling explanation of just what was going down. He could have messed up big time. Now he won’t get the chance.

He can spend his time reassessing those rigid values of his. He can spend the time fixing his life.

Miss California Makes Hay on the Gay Marraige Issue

Carrie Prejean made her television commentator debut recently on Fox News. Prejean, otherwise known as Miss California, graced the airwaves as a host on the Fox News Show, Fox and Friends. Her two male co-hosts were apparently smitten with her as they heaped so much praise on her as a visionary and in possession of the hearts and minds of the people. I thought I was witnessing a pick up scene in some Upper East Side Watering Hole where the two stiff suits were trying to woo the hot babe from the eighteenth floor.

Carrie Prejean, as we all know thanks to the media overload, stirred up some controversy when she while running for Miss USA that she opposed gay marriage. She talked about family values and the way she was raised. She talked about morality and virtue. She didn’t discuss the racy photos taken earlier in her young life that later appeared all over the Internet. But so what? We are in the age of digital cameras. And blind ambition. What’s going topless in quest of fame?

But being against gay marriage and showing off your much smaller, non-implanted boobs was too much red meat for either side of the issue. The liberal left reflexively hated her guts. The conservative right adopted her as a love child and couldn’t support her enough. Even Sarah Palin stepped forward in support of her fellow Beauty Queen. Talk show pundits rambled on as they are wont to do, getting paid for their scintillating insight into such matters.

As for me, I can’t get all excited, either way. I realize the media is a circus and unlike spectacles like wrestling that openly wink at its play acting and entertainment value, the news media still pretends there are shreds of authenticity left in its tabloid soul. I realize that while I may disagree with Carrie Prejean’s opinion, vehemently, in fact, I will defer to Voltaire in defending to the death her right to it. Well, maybe not to the death, but you get the point.

Besides, what brand of idiots would resort to a contestants in a beauty pageant for insights into the complexities of social and political issues? I mean, to take seriously the geopolitical perceptions of a beauty queen is in and of itself an oxymoron. Other than their traditional desire for world peace, there is little to offer other than a sneak peak at their silicon boob jobs and a few minutes of mediocre talent. I swear if Carrie Prejean or any other aspiring beauty queen came out in favor of inter-bestial sexual relations, I wouldn’t feel anymore upset than her view of love being long walks in the moonlight.

What does interest me is how Carrie Prejean can parlay her controversial position into one of a bonafide celebrity. While she may have done it from the platform of the Miss USA contest, it is still remarkable how she joined the growing list of limited people making the celebrated move from there to here. This in itself, if not an art form, at least qualifies as something worth noting.

I am not claiming that Carrie Prejean is particularly talented or that a brain trust lives in concealment under that lovely blond hair. In fact, it is safe to say she is no rocket scientist and that no missiles will be launched from that brain. But then her two fellow hosts on the show are far from what you would deem an Edward R. Murrow or Walter Cronkite. And yet there they are…commentating. Or whatever.

Besides, Prejean has the Big Mo going in her favor. Her momentum based on the fact that somewhere around half the nation supports her. Americans love a pretty face and a girl that’s both traditional yet spunky. It’s the natural combination for big time appeal. This is, after all, nothing if not a country that for some strange reason usually prefers its leaders be mediocre. Perhaps that way they are less intimidating and more accessible. There are a number of reasons, but that is the subject of a different feature.

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Ironically, or maybe not, it seems to be the conservatives who best repurpose adversity. You can name a few. There was Oliver North who was convicted of violating the Congress and the laws of this land by allegedly engineering the elements of what would be the Iran-Contra Scandal. He became a talk show host who was revered by his followers. Same goes for G. Gordon Liddy who was convicted for his participation in the Watergate Scandal and went on to be a talk show host.

Jessica Hahn, church administrator, was spotlighted for being sexually abused by Televangelist Jim Bakker. She had a radio show, however briefly, made dozens of guest appearances, and posed in Playboy Magazine. Not bad for a conservative girl who was supposedly a virgin at the time of her abuse.

Rush Limbaugh, famous already, after telling his adoring listeners what harsh treatment was levied on drug users was in fact a major drug user who violated the law. His punishment was higher numbers and, arguably, the title of the Republican spokesperson for this era. He was famous already, but after the drug scandal, he was promoted within.

Then there is Dick Morris. Morris worked as a political adviser to President Bill Clinton, but who resigned after it was discovered he sought out prostitutes for mutual toe sucking festivities. He is now a Republican Pundit, appears on countless shows and waxes critically on the behavior of others. It is fair to say Morris is more famous after the hooker told all about the toe sucking than he was as merely a political adviser.

The Democrats have very few who knew how to turn adversity in their favor. There is of course Bill Clinton and the Monica Lewinsky Scandal. But he was already the President and therefore famous. In Clinton’s case, adversity cost him. Influential people distanced themselves. He faced public embarrassment, including a vote to impeach him.

Gary Hart, leading presidential hopeful, got caught doodling Donna Rice, and he had to drop out of a race that surely was his to lose. He lost it. He dwells now in Media Limbo, making appearances here and there but living overall in relative obscurity.

So at the end of the day, it’s fair to say the Republicans do it better. They can sin and ask G-d for forgiveness, and remarkably he seems to do it every time. He even gives them a talk show. So in the end, contrary to the common opinion that that Republicans are dead or dying as a party, I would say they are far from it. They are only on hiatus.

As for Carrie Prejean, should she lose her conservative backing, there is always the Weather Channel.

Boomers’ New Commune for Retirement Post-Recession

Increasingly, I have listened to my Boomer friends tell me that the economic meltdown has caused a serious decline in their pensions funds and portfolios. The standard refrain is, “I’ll never be able to retire.” Some are joking, or trying to put a good face on a rotten time for a Recession, and some are hardly joking at all.

Couple the loss of savings with the potential loss of your job, and Boomers are wondering how they are even going to make it to retirement. It is no secret that the Boomers are generally higher paid and not as willing at this point in life to work the slave hours as their younger counterpart. Then there are the others, who can’t find work and have given up trying. They are taking earlier retirement. Maybe they are getting less income from their Social Security and Retirement funds. But at least they are getting some money. And some money is better than no money at all. I guess.

It is a lousy economy for everybody but especially for a generation that thought it would never grow old, and now it has. It’s a harsh reality, for sure, especially when you feel the first ailments, the aches and pains, that make it harder to get up and harder to get it up. Friends are starting to die around you. It seems too early, but nevertheless life has its way of telling you the time of the season. As Bob Dylan sang in one of his songs, “It ain’t dark yet, but it’s getting there.”

All right, not to be morbid. The fact is for most Boomers there is still a long way to go. We are overall in better shape than any other generation. We are better educated and more or us exercise and eat right. We try to stay vital and relevant, even when looking vital and relevant is a full time job. We have sex on a regular basis. Or at least some of us do. We accept the new realities that our friends and associates in trying to find themselves found sometimes that the boys liked boys and the girls liked girls. Hey considering that our parents at our age looked like Dwight and Mamie Eisenhower, this ain’t too bad.

We look for second careers and go into business for ourselves. We wear funny tee shirts and buy CD’s of our favorite bands. We try to understand our children and maybe we do a better job of it than our parents did with us. Or maybe we have no more of a clue about how and why the younger generation behaves than the old fogies who tried to ruin our youth.

So now hear we are, at least eyeballing retirement. But in this economy we are increasingly aware, despite the assurances to the contrary, we may be faced with some serious downsizing. Social services and entitlement may not be there like we thought. We sure can’t take it for granted. Instead of the government and our nest eggs providing us with economic and psychological sanctuary, we may be left to our own devices. There are cracks in the system, the same system we once deplored and then finally embraced. We were victimized by stupid wars, again, and watched a bunch of white collar thieves run off with our money. Some of us are those white collar thieves, but I digress.

We have handled it well. So far. Rather than man the barricades and storm the government institutions, we just grouse about it. Maybe. Or we take mood elevators and try not to notice. Perhaps the storming part is best left to younger people as all that climbing and running would causes pains in the places we would rather ignore. Who wants tear gas all over our brand new designer jeans?

As for the younger people, they accept their fates with a mix of apathy and lethargy. It’s that or they are remarkable stoic. The thing is if they are this apathetic about their own fates, then for sure as hell they are not about to care too much about us. Even if we are their parents.

So I started thinking of solutions to our possible future challenges. I realized we are liable to end up living on communes. Talk about karma with a capital “K.” We are going to chip in or in some other way cluster into workable communities where we can put food on the table and take care of each other. Maybe it’s nuts to think this way, but it is no crazier than believing all those years of working fourteen hours a day would guarantee our economic security. That is starting to look like it was really insane, wasting our lives, most of us, in jobs we hated. For trinkets and beads.
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I write this never being a big fan of the communes of old. I had visited a few in those times and it always seemed oddly humorous that the commune dwellers in search of democracy voted on just about everything from cooking the ubiquitous brown rice to sexual sleeping arrangements. all that deliberation was just too overwhelming. I realized there need to be certain arrangements in order for these communes to survive, but some of the rules were more draconian than the rules of straight society. In straight society you just needed money, and people would tend to leave you alone, if you wanted. Not at the communes. It seemed everyone was into everybody else’s business.

I remember living in Santa Fe, New Mexico and sitting in my favorite restaurant as a gaggle of hippies and their gaggle of kids partook in their weekly restaurant experience. they may have been rich kids looking poor for all I knew. The men and women were often dressed in muslin. Dirty muslin. Dresses, skirts, mens’ shirts. Their kids, too, were adorned in muslin. Set off, as they say in the fashion world, by dirty faces.

I forget the name of that particular commune where this group made their home. It was up in the mountains and over the years was transformed by new owners into Ten Thousand Waves, the Japanese health spa. Talk about changes and things. The commune did enjoy the rare distinction of surviving longer than most.

So now here we are, perhaps about to reexamine the commune experience of our youth. While most Boomers never set foot inside a commune, maybe a good thing, now it may loom as one of the principle means of our survival. Of course the new communes would hardly resemble the old communes. For one thing the sex acts would be far more limited. Even with Viagra.

The good news would be that the residents would be far more accomplished than those who lived in the communes of our youth. Despite all assertions to the contrary, we we largely young and inexperienced, lacking skill sets we have developed over time. We may actually have a clue and know what we are doing, which back then was often not the case.

Things have changed. We live in a digital world with the Internet. Survival and setting up a business or series of business that may bring in income is a lot more realistic than the axiom of merely growing one’s own food and inseminating the barnyard animals. Power lines reach into even the more rural areas, so running computer and appliances is not that much an issue. Besides, some of these communes may be in urban areas, even blighted urban areas that can be reclaimed on the cheap. Or perhaps they will exist in suburbia, in communities that have fallen apart. Old factories. Who knows.

Needs will be different from those in our youth. Once upon a time it seemed like every third hippie woman took up midwifery. Noble enough but hardly necessary with a group facing its own mortality. People will need nursing and hospice skills instead. Some people will need retraining. People will need entertainment. Some will come over the Internet and through satellite and cable, but if there is leisure time it cannot all be spent in the pursuit of metaphysical enlightenment or listening to a poorly played guitar.

Then there is a matter of benefiting the surrounding communities. When you have this many skilled Boomers clustered into one area then it is only fitting devote some time to going out into the community. It wouldn’t hurt to teach the kids to read and write. Teach classes on real issues, things that we have learned along the way. Be the mentors we as kids thought others should be. Maybe put a little something back in the world, even if our experience in it was less than satisfactory.

It can’t hurt. And after all, it beats working.

When Your Friends Start to Die

It is disconcerting to say the least when your friends around you start to die. Suddenly, you realize you have reached an age when death comes regularly if not yet often. You are struck by its reality, its finality. You are struck by your own sense of mortality.

I am not at the age when you expect your friends to pass on. I’m a Boomer, and at this point in time and medical history, most of us are expected to live into our eighties and even nineties. But clearly some don’t make it. For some, life’s little game of Beat the Clock, offers a more truncated existence. Suddenly we are gone, leaving others to grieve and reflect.

I lost yet another friend, recently. I had not called him for a couple of months, and when I did I found his business number was being transferred to his Las Vegas office. I knew right away he was gone. No way, he would voluntarily leave California to move to Las Vegas.

He had struggled for years, having been inflicted with the ill effects of Agent Orange. He had come into contact with it while serving in Vietnam. Agent Orange was reported to cause all sorts of damage and lead to severe illness and death. Of course, the government denied its ill effects, even while returning GI’s suffered from its symptoms. My friend had the symptoms. He had Hodgkin’s Disease and then heart disease, and finally he had trouble breathing without feeling worn down. It was a sequence of events that he endured with good humor for twenty odd years.

Nevertheless, he managed to become a notable figure in the music industry. He was but a little guy who never, ever looked the part of the rangy GI. He was too bookish, near nebbishy. But he had amazing inner strength and courage the more macho among us could only wish for. He could literally laugh at life’s consequences and make jokes while staring death in the face. It wasn’t that he didn’t care; he had a lot to live for. But he knew in the end it didn’t matter whether he cared or not. This was the game, these were the cards. Play what you are dealt with.
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As with other friends who have passed away, you think about the slights and spites, the things you wished you hadn’t said. You feel remorse, even guilty for some of the interchanges, even those you were never called on. But that soon passes. Then you remember the times you had. You remember the fun times, but more importantly you think of the funny times. You think of the events that were so ridiculous that you knew at the time, while you were laughing, you would be laughing in hindsight many years later. You think of the shared moments, the small intimacies. In this case it was all the music concerts we attended for business or otherwise. In this case it was the backstage parties and the energy of what was then a vibrant music business. It was fun just being there.

Now all that’s left are the memories and the experiences that have left you wiser, feeling a little dumb for the things you said and did, and imbibed when people still bought record albums. Remember your friend who has passed away brings inspires the memory of other people who also made the scene. Some of them are still around. Many, too, are gone.

You are left with the feeling of the passage of time and how little time any of use really have on the planet. We know we are at the back end of life but not close to the point where we are truly old and frail, losing our faculties. That is yet to come. Perhaps when we do reach that age, we can be better accepting of our mortality and the inevitable end of our lives. But now it still seems so distant, and yet here it is so close. It’s seems unfair, really, when we are still vibrant and capable, viral, even, and still curious about the world.

But there are no guarantees that life will ever be fair. We can watch all the movies we want that reinforce this notion, but from the moment we step out of the theater and back on the street, we know otherwise. Life is life. And then it is over. For some it just comes earlier than others. Too early.

Good night, Steve.

Women in History and the Things We Don’t Know

Common long time fodder for comedians and pundits alike is the threadbare cliche about how men don’t understand women. Unless you have been hiding under a rock for the last century, you have been treated to a surfeit of sketches, the articles, and the stand up routines depicting women as mysterious creatures we simply can’t understand. Funny? Sometimes.

But the fact remains that what we really haven’t a clue about is woman’s actual role in history and culture. I am not talking about the kitchen queen of the fifties or the Woman’s Lib activists of the 60’s and 70’s. Despite the fact we have a dog’s sense of history and fifty years ago appear like ancient times, there are patterns of acculturation and the roll out of historical events that have gone on for centuries. And for what we know of those decades, we know so little about the female role in society and civilization.

It is fair to say a great deal of woman’s history has been suppressed. Hence lecturer, author and vaunted historian, Max Dashu, has compiled over decades boundless information about woman’s role in society. That is in societies around the world. Dashu’s website, Suppressed Histories Archives is a daunting work, revealing boundless information about woman’s role in society, almost since time began.
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Dashu has compiled images of all sorts and created lectures or presentations oriented toward myriad issues and cases in history. There are some 15,000 slides and 100 different shows. Dashu has lectured at colleges and universities as well as to a variety of organizations both in the United States and around the world. She has created a fascinating DVD, and is currently working on a book series.

For history buffs and for those who think they have an understanding of womens culture, well here is an eye opener. And for those women who are curious about their universal culture and societal heritage, this is a treasure for the mind. This is complex subject matter, not some simplistic jargon in the latest fashion magazine. And Dashu offers detailed analysis of some of the more complex issues of the past and how they affect our culture today.

This is a class act. And there is no two drink minimum.