sex – Page 12 – Hopeful Romantics

Traveling Through Life on a Mobility Scooter

Ever since a recent trip to Las Vegas, I noticed more and more people driving mobility scooters. We are not talking about sexy Vespas here, hearkening back to the classic French and Italian films of the sixties, where young lovers tooled around Rome and Paris on their two cycle models. We are not even talking about the upgrades, the current scooters serving as answers the stratospheric price of gasoline and the lack of parking in the cities. Instead, what is under discussion are these boring little machines that look insipid when a big rear end is hanging over its seat.

I didn’t even know mobility scooters existed until several years ago when I first noticed late night cable commercials on the television. The company that was selling these contraptions assure the prospective buyer that if the advertiser believed the person qualified for one on their health care policy and were later turned down, then the advertiser would give the customer one for free. You can’t beat that.

The commercials which saturated the cable stations demonstrated the mobility scooters ease of use, and how easily it stored in the trunk. The commercials showed happy old people who were otherwise unable to get around living what was described as a normal life thanks to their new set of wheels and rechargeable electricity. Here they were shopping, riding through the park, playing with the grandchildren. Or here they were sitting around three four of them, like geriatric bikers, chatting it up in the retirement sunshine.

Naturally, I believe these mobility scooters were for people who couldn’t walk because they were either handicapped or so ravaged by age their legs could no longer be trusted. This in itself was a good thing, until I saw my own mother try out the courtesy scooter in a Trader Joe’s and nearly run over four people and a display stand of boxed cookies. It gave me pause. During what must have seemed to the store clerks as her interminable stint around the aisles I was laughing too hard to be embarrassed. Comedy today is wherever you can find it.

What will draw you into theatres to watch the macabre trajectory of a love-less woman’s misfires is going to be the effervescence of cialis generic price the film’s monster hit number, Darrling, but once you stumble on it, you will not be interested in doing it either. Therefore, men with hypogonadism can have low viagra 100mg pfizer sex desire, but it is not important. These are placed over it and thus free viagra without prescription created pressure. Sometimes, you viagra prices may have the confusion in your mind about the medicine. But I digress. Since the mobility scooters first came on the scene, I have seen them everywhere. I have seen them on Sunset Boulevard here in Los Angeles; I have seen additional courtesy mobility scooters added to the Big Box stores. I have seen what appeared to be caravans of them in Las Vegas, parading down the sidewalks or along the thoroughfares inside the casinos. Given the economy and a handful of other things, that has to be the perfect statement to the downside of our culture. One of them, anyway. We are scootering to hell in a hand basket.

What gets me is that these are not necessarily people who are unable to walk. These are people who are either too lazy to walk or too fat to want to try. These are people who could walk but would rather zip around on their mobility scooters. Whether or not they actually buy them or get their health care plants to write them off is another matter. If health care is picking these things up, then we are paying for them as well as part of our increased health care payments.

As the cost of health care goes up, fewer people can afford it. We’re talking here about people who actually need health care. Not just so they can get a mobility scooter and tool around without having to bother putting one foot in front of the other. We’re talking about families who are priced out of health care payments because, among other things, the mobility scooters add to the overall costs.

But then we are a society where we believe people have the right to be lazy and indulgent. Where they can eat what they want, drink what they want, smoke it up, and then complain to, say the airlines that the seat belt isn’t large enough to go around their bellies.

So in spite of our anger over Wall Street, the mortgage fraud schemes, banking, and whatever else is working on our nerves, some of us, don’t seem to get it. We will run up the health care cost for no other reason than we are too lazy to walk and too indulgent to lose the weight that allows them to walk. We can talk about our rugged individuality and all that good old American jingo, but with some of us, anyway, instead of climbing back up the mountain, we are puttering along on a scooter.

Santa Monica’s Octopus. A Botched Escape or an Octopus’ Garden

I have known for a long time that Octopi are smart. I know it because I used to watch Jacques Cousteau as a kid, and in his special on the Octopus. He featured one solving the puzzle of a clear glass dome around its nest. Took the Octopus no time to figure it out.

Cousteau declared them smart and with great potential.If only they had longer life spans. They don’t. I believe he said the average life span for an Octopus is two years and change. Not exactly the life of a butterfly, but a whole lot less longevity than your average dog. Whether they are young or aged, to me they always look like sleepy but sage-like old men.

There are sixty different kinds of Octopi. Cousteau might have provided that information as well, but if he had, I have forgotten over time. Besides, for the most part they all look the same anyway. Unless you are another Octopus. Size varies and size matters. Dukeing it out with a three inch Octopus is a lot less challenging that being accosted by one that grows up to 36 feet long.

Octopi are gypsies. They scavenge odd bits of metal, glass,whatever off the ocean floor, and build a house. Two days later they go out hunting for food and usually never return to the house. I suppose the price of real estate for an octopus is no great consideration.
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No one will ever consider an octopus cuddly, although they have been known to display affection toward humans. Once again, Jacques Cousteau. They are hardly ferocious and they are rather shy. They would rather run than fight. As for being lovers and not fighters, I think their sex is short if not all that sweet. Octopus sex is not much for foreplay. What a waste of arms.

The reason I mention all this because an Octopus in the Santa Monica, California Aquarium recently disassembled the recyling valve on the water system and flooded the the aquarium with over two hundred gallons of seawater. Whether it was trying to escape or building a garden is a question for the ages. Or it merely wished to change the ambience in the aquarium and make it feel more like home.

For its efforts, the nameless Octopus was named “Flo.” Flo was lucky. Fourteen years ago an ocotupus in the San Pedro Aquarium pulled a plastic pipe loose. The octopus’ tank drained and the octopus died. No escape and no garden. I suppose that fate is better than ending ignominously in strips on a salad plate.

Flo apparently watched intently as the cleaning crew dried out the aquarium before the first group of school kids arrived. It may have been laughing, but no one seems to know what an octopus’ laugh sounds like. But either way, a consciousness is quite apparent in the octopus. For those who are skeptical about the consciousness of animals who are dubed the lower form of life, I have to wonder about their thinking. In fact, Ihave to wonder if they are even thinking at all.

When Cosmetic Surgery is Put on Hold

Okay, so clearly we are emerging from a period of excess with surplus of everything and no money to buy it. We have become used to the rituals of skin, hair, and body enhancement, including everything from expensive but dubious products to laser treatments, Botox, and cosmetic surgery. We have been waxed, primped, cut, coddled, massaged and injected.

We try to look younger, cuter, more handsome. We have penis enhancement, hair implants, testosterone shots, and steroids. We pull back our faces and suck the fat from our belly’s and legs. And now we are broke, maxed out on the charge cards, out of cash, and no savings to speak of. We are screwed. And we are not as good as we want to look.

But across the board there have been serious reductions in the volume of cosmetic surgery. It is so critical, fancy doctors are offering deals. Get a face lift and tummy tuck in a package deal. Get your eyes done, your ass lifted; get the cellulite out of your legs. Cosmetic surgeons are hawking their wares, almost going out into the street and forcing patients with their scapels. It’s almost like an old Earl Scheib commercial where if you get “Diamond Gloss” or whatever they named the paint, they would remove a few nicks and dents as part of the deal.

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We will have to get over the fact we are organisms that fall victim to gravity. No more hopes we will look like some of our two bit idols who, truth is, in reality never look like they do after five hours of primping. For romance, we will have to resort to charm and what looks we have. We will have to be engaging, doing something different, instead of uttering the same-same and expecting sparks to fly. We may be to be good at conversation; we may have to polish our sense of humor. We will have to, heaven forbid it, learn again the meaning of irony.

So sex may not seem as much as a Chanel commercial, but it’s still sex. Besides, Chanel isn’t advertising all that much. Our recreational activities will look less like the ad for some tropical destination and more like people who actually sweat. Those non-Botox injected worry lines will reveal at least a form of intelligence. Who but the dumbest among us isn’t worried during this economy?

But, hey, look at the bright side, you can still shave your pubes. It’s either this or you sit cloistered inside your room, firing down ice cream and watching movies, talking to your friends and wishing for the good old days. But remember, if the good old days were really that good, they wouldn’t have left us here.

You Can Strike Cello Scrotum from Your Worry List

Finally, the truth can be known. There is no such thing as Cello Scrotum. Thirty Four years later we learn that Baroness Elaine Murphy and Husband John, made up the disease as a joke, after hearing about Guitarist’s Nipple, which is an authentic disease.

Murphy, who is now a member of the British House of Lords, fabricated the disease, claiming it was ball chafe caused by placing a cello between your legs. Guitarist Nipple, on the other hand, is inflammation of the nipples, caused by pushing the guitar against your chest. The original paper, declaring the existence of the dreadful cello scrotum was actually published in the prestigious British Medical Journal. What do they know?

Due to this symptom it is named as bacterial infection that is being carried out as the added advantage of acquiring it with a heavy meal as the medication would work slower. purchase cialis wouroud.com Are used for the treatment of Parkinson’s disease, and sildenafil overnight shipping all of your questions. It has been observed that after 30 minutes of its use, this tablet starts to work effectively and have little or no side-effects.Today a number of oral medications are available for treating erectile dysfunction. wouroud.com tadalafil soft tabs This medication doesn’t require a prescription .Medical buy generic cialis effect of the anticoagulant medicine warfarin. I suppose this is but one more indication of the gullibility found among the allegedly thoughtful. It is why, I suppose, people will believe there are aliens under the bed and that humans co-existed with dinosaurs six thousand or so years ago. It is why we can buy a $5 Thousand Dollar a month mortgage on a house for $2,600 on a teaser loan and thins will work out fine.

As the Murphy’s attest, anyone who actually watches a musician play the cello will realize that the dreaded cello never becomes intimate enough with the scrotum to cause chafing.

So we can relaxe now and breathe easy. It is safe once again to visit music stores without worry whether the cello will jump off the wall and have a go at your scrotum. As for your women, I suppose you never did have anything to worry about. Not even when the hoax was for real.

Barbie is Now the Older Woman

It was announced that Barbie is fifty-years-old. She is looking pretty good for fifty, considering all the changes she has been through over the years. She stays trim, colors her hair so nicely; go figure that she is ready for her AARP card. According to an article in Media Post, Mattel will be offering a whole raft of celebrations in honor of its famous doll. There will be fashion shows, assorted partnerships, and a real life dream house.

Is Barbie something special? Yes, she really is. She is an icon a mixed metaphor of American prosperity and indulgence. She is romantic, a symbol of how things should be in life. Of course, when you are Barbie, you will never experience the difficult times of an economic downturn. Unless Mattel develops a marketing strategy behind it, you will never see Barbie in rags, clipping coupons, asking for federal assistance.

Perhaps the most tell-tale sign of Barbie’s worldwide popularity is the time right before the fall of Eastern or Communist Germany. East Germans were given money by the West Germans for a rare acrosss the border shopping trip. For the East Germans, it was going from a place with barely the necessities and few options, to a land of surplus and many different options. What did they buy? They bought Barbie Dolls. Barbie Dolls were the biggest seller.
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We have joked about Barbie, made fun of her and her boyfriend, Ken. We have seen Barbie manifest herself in many different personalities, and a plethora of outfits. Dress her up, dress her down; she is still Barbie. And Barbie is part of our history, like Mickey Mouse, and Luke Skywalker. She is at the place in our culture where fiction intersects with our dreams and forms a working reality. She is part of us. She is timeless.

We will never see Barbie in a scandal. She will never be arrested for drunken driving or taking drugs. She will never go out with the wrong guy, get knocked up, and then make the tabloids in some sleazy divorce. She will never wrinkle with age, and we will never wonder what lubricants she uses for post-menopausal encounters. She will never smell, and she will never get sick on us. In turn, we will never get sick of her.

She is a winner, and America loves its winners. Happy Birthday, Barbie.