Picking on Michael Phelps

bong_gifMichael Phelps smoked some marijuana.   That’s right.  Hard to believe isn’t it, that a 23 year-old man actually huffed some grass through a bong.   But, nevertheless, there you are.   The record breaking winner of an unprecedented eight Olympic gold medals sometimes likes to toke down a bowl.

For this, Kellogg will not renew his contract.   Kellogg, founded in the nineteenth century by renowned nut job and corn flakes manufacturer,  John Harvey Kellogg, will allow Phelps’ contract to expire, which is due to happen  shortly.   If you think Kellogg, the man, was just another cereal guy, read his writings sexuality and the ways to prevent masturbation, install cages around the organs, and what he deemed as other nasty habits.    I think most agree that his recommendation he apply carbolic acid to the clitoris in order to prevent sexual arousal is just a wee bit over the top.  You can think that one over when you chow down on your next bowl of Corn Flakes.

Subway, on the other hand, will stand by the star swimmer, perhaps let a little time transpire before using Phelps to promote their sub sandwiches.    I suppose the powers that be at Subway assume the public will be forgiving for Phelps’ great transgression.  That or they will attract the stoner crowd who after a few bong hits of their own will get the munchies and march on down for the foot long special

By comparison, Bernard Madoff just took off his trusting clients for something like $50 Billion, one of a number of Ponzi schemes beginning to surface.   Madoff ruined people, took every last dime, stole their retirement money, and ripped off foundations and charities.   Considering also, that there are those in Wall Street on just drove the country into the ground, who also ruined retirement funds and countless businesses, Michael Phelps’ great transgression seems to pale by comparison.

I am not one to do drugs, nor am I one to promote them.   I do, however, believe we should strive to retain a sense of proportion, and with the nation suffering from economic recession, this is no time to nullify our heroes for something this inconsequential, or, for that matter, something so common.   If anything, we should suppress a yawn, rather than demonstrate our righteous indignation.
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Millions of people in this country smoke grass.  We can rail about it, thump our  self-righteous doctrines all day long, but at the end of that day a good many younger people will join a good many older people in taking a hit on their favorite bong.   In places like California, if smoking marijuana isn’t legal, it is about as close as you can be without a full declaration.   Over all, except for places where the ever vigilant South Carolina sheriff who has threatened to prosecute Michael Phelps for his heinous acts, nobody really cares much about who is smoking marijuana.

But yet we have another big stink, and the stink clouds one of our greatest sports performers, not in a sweet and funky haze of grass, but over something that perhaps could have been ignored.    Granted, Phelps was stupid for smoking and risking his endorsements.   But he is a kid, after all, and if kids don’t have the latitude to be at least somewhat foolish, then who does?

As for Kellogg, if it had any sense it would let the matter pass and continue to use Phelps as its spokesman.  Perhaps it is its heritage that keeps it from doing so.   Perhaps having a sexually repressed individual who was phobic about smoking, drinking, just about everything but corn flakes, peanut butter and enemas, can prevent an evolved company from perceiving how little the bong hit matters to the world.

In fact, it may even be prudent for Kellogg or some other company to feature Phelps on the cover of its package, bong in hand.  There is a strong enough demographic, a target market, if you will, to make a case for a more liberal minded presentation.   Perhaps they would see even more cereal in a down market.   That would be something.  Just think what it may do to their thinking.   They might even need a bong hit, just to come down from the shock.

English Language Only–But Whose English Language Are We Speaking?

I love the English language.  As a writer, I have worked with it for more decades than I care to mention.  I have molded it, sculpted it, admired it and, at times, abused it.   I love its versatility and its application.   I enjoy hearing the people who speak it so well, reading those who have applied it to the written word.  I love it in drama and comedy, and even to convey information.

There is no doubt it is our native tongue.   But others have come here who speak in other native tongues and are slow to utilize English as their primary language.   The should, and most will over time, much like our ancestors picked it up.  Over time.   Their kids will surely use it.

I have friends who depending on desire and education speak English with either a thick accent or new accent at all.  I hear most of their kids speak, and the majority sound like any other American kid,  generational jargon, bad grammar and all.    I dare say most of my friends of fairly well educated, and if they are not educated their ambitions have elevated them so they are successful in their adopted land.   They want to assimilate, and their kids definitely want to assimilate, so that may be part of it.

But then there are those who insist everyone speak English.  Nothing but English.   Not a bad idea, really, but not all that practical.  According to an article in the New York Times, a Nashville, Tennessee City Councislman wants to put forth a measure where all government workers speak only English.   His measure has met with considerable resistance among Nashviille’s citizens.   Whether it passes or not remains to be seen.

I am reminded of other instances where either private entrepreneurs or city officials, all puffed up on whatever righteousness they believe in have posted signs in their establishments or otherwise made clear they wish us to be an English only nation.   Frankly, I can see their point.   English, aside from the principle of it all, is our native language, and it does tend to expedite things if we all can speak it.
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However, I am also reminded of the wide variety of the way English is spoken.   How the pronunciation of the language and specific words can vary from region to region.   We have a variety of accents in this country, and often one person’s accent while a comfort zone in his region is offputting in other places.   Northerners think of Southerners as dumb because of the way they speak, and Southerners think of Northerners as abrasive.  In the Midwest, people in the Northeast are viewed as abrasive because of how they speak, while more than a few regions revel in mocking the California Dude.

We from some places viewed those form other places as slurrring their words or allowing them running together.  We take umbrage, at least some of us do when a supposedly intelligent Vice Presidential candidate can’t articulate her “ing’s.”   We don’t like it when a President can’t pronounce nuclear, and it’s a tough day in Dixie when its citizens try to make the distinction between “oil” and “all.”

Then in places like Philadelphia, some people can speak distinctly and articulately while some of the neighborhood folk talk with the “d’ese and “d’ose,” and “you’se” or  “yizz,” which always sounds so poetic.   New York Cabbies used to mocked, when they weren’t all recent immigrants, and the famouse “turdy turd and turd,” pronounciation of an intersection is not exactly the King’s English.   Speaking of the King’s English few can understand the Brits, who pretty much invented the language, and then there are variations that can make it even less comprehensible.  Cockney, for example.

Then there is the Irish English and the Scottish English.   The English of the West Indies, and so it goes.  A whole lot of English with a whole lot of variation.   I’m not complaining, mind you.  I find it all pretty fascinating.  Interesting.

I just find it ironic that when certain citizens demand that we all speak English, I have to wonder, ” which brand of English would you prefer?”   Perhaps we should amplify and extend the near forgotten phrase of Gertude Stein.   “A rose isstill a rose in any language.”  Just don’t throw me out of your restaurant for not pronouncing it correctly.

Virginity Marketing, Exchanging Your Cherry for an Education

Here is a new twist on the virginity thing or the bit about saving it for marriage.   The new meaning would translate to save it for a college education.  In this case it would be for a Masters Degree in Family and Marriage Therapy.   Both virginity and a mind are terrible things to waste.

According to an article in the London Telegraph, a young woman is willing to auction off her maidenhood in exchange for enough cash to finish her education.   As luck would have it, ten thousand men stepped up to the plate and put their money where their desires are.   So far, this woman from San Diego, is entertaining bids in excess of $3.7 Million.   That sure beats the hell out of working in Starbucks.

I am sure there are a fair share of perverts and the type of crazo who figures he is in love with her, just because of the proposition.   The virgin in question here is certainly an attractive woman, but  she sure ain’t turning heads away from Paris Hilton or any other sex figure of the moment.   For this kind of money one could have sex with every virgin in some small, developing country.    Some will even fake it for half-price.

One has to wonder about the attraction or fetish, you pick the definition, for men who would spend millions for maidenhood.  Frankly, I don’t get it.  And just as frankly, neither does the party who is auctioning it off for college.  She says she was inspired by her sister who worked as a hooker for three weeks to pay her own way through college.  Feminists must be having a field day with this whole business.   But then there are issues of empowerment and independence.   Who knows?

Some people are lucky, because a good relationship behavior was modeled in the home and they grew up on, nor are they professional driving instructors who understand the subtle nuances that can turn a decent teen driver into a great teen driver. sildenafil uk buy Kamagra jelly buy cheap viagra is commonly used by men. Everyone suffering from pharmacy on line viagra daveywavey.tv this problem wants to get an effective remedy for this problem. When viagra generika the gallbladder is gone, the sphincter can start to spasm, which creates pressure inside the bile and pancreatic ducts and supports the proper flow of the gallbladder to prevent the rising pressure within the bile ducts. Turning tricks for dollars is an age old profession.  We all know that.   But what we all didn’t know, it was only a mere conjecture, was that there are enough men out there so desperate for first blood that they will pay close to $4 Million for the privilege.   What’s with the male head, the bigger one, that drives us to such stupidity?   Guaranteed, she will just lay there, thinking of the money she has collected.  With no real sexual experience, what else could she really do?   And why doesn’t she have sexual experience at 22 years-old?  We are talking a late bloomer here.  In this world.

I have to hand it to this woman.  Not for keeping her legs closed for 22 years.   But for the idea.  It is a fantastic idea.   Hell, for that kind of money she doesn’t even have to work at all.   Provided she doesn’t give her three mil and change to Bernie Madoff.    Maybe Madoff should fork over for her.  He has screwed so many people, he might as well pay out for a change and give her a whirl.   Give him something to do while under house arrest.

All jokes aside, chances are it will be an elderly businessman who wins the bid.   If the young woman is smart she will do the video cam on the Internet and sell admission.   There’s a few more bucks in that, for sure.   And, besides, you get to memorialize the big debut.   A little music, “We’ve Only Just Begun,” or some other treacly nonsense, and you can package it as a DVD and sell it off the website.

So in the end, he gets the cherry, she gets the bread.  Hey, there is a first time for everything.

Metal Jewelry Piercings Hazardous in Cold Weather

Slovenian Media has recommended to the German Meteorological Institute they should warn those with jewelry body piercings that the metal can freeze and cause them harm in this extreme and unusually cold European winter.   The metal rings can freeze, causing harm to the body parts they are adorning.   So I guess the bottom line is don’t go out with your nipple rings.   Or some such thing.

Upon reading this article, or warning, I am reminded of the proverbial kid who in freezing weather just had to stick his tongue on the metal flagpole.   LIke Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby, his tongue would stick to the freezing steel, until either the fire department or an alert school teacher could free him from the imprisonment.   Of course, having heard about it, or having read it somewhere, our mothers would admonish us against testing out our own tongues against any frozen piece of metal.
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Now with so many people partaking in piercings, it is small wonder that such a warning was necessary.  You have the previously mentioned nipple rings, the earrings, nose rings, tongue studs and studs down a littel further in the anatomy.   I have to wonder what does the hapless soul do for groceries when he or she has had implants, that is either ball bearings, studs or whatever pieces of metal implanted under the skin.  Usually these pieces are planted in some sensitive regions, be it the penis, scrotum, clitoris, or in a lovely encirclement of the vagina.   I guess the tattoo and piercing artist never advised them about implants and cold weather.

I would think if you freeze up there, you may be truly frozen in your sex life for quite some time to come.  There is frostbite and then again there is this kind of frostbite.   I suppose it is the price we pay for our personal vanities.   Whatever form it takes.

Pitfalls of a Branded Economic Culture

Brand names have always been important.   For years, a good brand can mean everything from quality and reliability to status and social cache.   But in the last twenty five years or so brand names have evolved into “branding” as a cultural and marketing phenomenon.   Without proper branding, products and services can either fall by the wayside or play second fiddle to those that have been served up to consumers and businesses with the proper branding identification.

We have become dependent upon branding.   Without it, it would appear, few consumers could judge the quality of a product on its own merits.   Without branding we lack the know how to determine how one product may differ from another in the way it is made, crafted,  or serviced.  We can’t really ascertain how it performs, whether in the laundry cycle or on the road.   Despite the Internet and all the information sources we have available, there are relatively few places the average consumer can educate himself on the true character and craftsmanship of any given product.   We know little about the skill it takes to make something just so, the materials used and how they are superior from the knock off varieties.

So we brand products and services and generate enough marketing that consumers believe either the truth or the hype, depending on the goods.   The branding culture has had a tremendous effect on consumer habits and they way they shop.   Our economy is based largely on consumerism, and the perception of someone’s wealth and position in society is what drives much of our economy.    The lines of demarcation is such that without wearing, using or somehow adhering to the socially approved brands, you are considered a lesser person with no taste, no wealth and hardly any social distinction.  Some people really don’t care about all that, but most do.

This kind of mindset certainly has its conveniences.  You really don’t have to think much about what you are buying in order to cater to your own self-perceptions.   You don’t have to know much about the product itself, but just the product elevates you to a certain social category.  No matter that the product is actual quality in terms of construction ad design, the fact that it is perceived as such is all most consumers really need to make their shopping day.

To build their client bases, retail outlets especially rely on stocking branded products.   You must cater to your targeted clientele.   If you stock this product you are considered a lower level, big box type of retailer.  If you stock that brand, then you are the mid-line, department store type of retailer.   And at the upper echelon, you must stock the brands that cause shoppers to perceive you as exclusive.   Coupled with the design of your venue and its geographic location, shoppers know you are ready to service their kind of folk.

But with the economic downturn, branding may have backfired.  With reports of store closings, maybe 70 odd thousand retail outlets across the country, it is becoming abundantly clear that no one really needs all these venues.   Surely, the economic dowturn is the largest factor, but perhaps this financial crisis has shed light on a problem that has existed for quite some time.   Simply put, no matter where you go, you are finding the same merchandise in every place you shop.   One store has no distinction from another.   It is all the same stuff.
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You can go to any city on the planet and, largely, it is all the same stuff.  It may vary from one venue to the other, but each venue offers the same merchandise on its social and economic level as the one you found the the last city you visited.   In fact, you might be shopping in the same chain, buying the same stuff.  Only the city you shop in is different.

So if everyone has the same offerings, small wonder retailers are going out of business, left and right.   Small wonder consumers are reluctant to buy anything.  Not only are they short of cash and credit, but they already have a half dozen of whatever it is being offered in any outlet at any given time.   I hear friends tell me, “who needs it?   I already have plenty of those.”

In a nation that prides itself in originality, there are few places carrying original goods.  Perhaps it is time to see more retail outlets offering smaller batches of merchandise from original designers and suppliers.  I realize there are economies of scale, but with staples there are alternate solutions to overcoming the challenges of economy of scale.   It would be nice for a change to not see everyone wearing the same thing or finding in a house the same layout as the last house.   With some merchandise, pots and pans, for example, sure it will be the same.   But furniture?

Perhaps we need a more educated consumer.  Pundits claim we are educated through the Internet, but do we really know the difference in woods in furniture, the types of finish, the distinctions in quality?   Having watched shoppers in furniture stories, I would think not.   In fact, the level of ignorance about the goods we are laying out money for is fairly astounding.

Maybe one way to stimulate this economy is to be a little more original.   To understand quality and craftsmanship and realize the best things are built to last.  Use them, wear them and allow them to take on the vintage textures of an original creation.   Don’t buy junk, because it has a label you can recognize.

Of course the original designers in time may become popular.  Once they do they will scale up production as people rush to buy their goods.   They will buy blindly, with great faith it will boost their status in the eyes of others.   And then these original products will become so popular we will have…branding.  Oh, well.