Bull Sharks as a Metaphor

In a world where things are neither what they are supposed to be or where they are supposed to be, the Bull Shark serves as an excellent metaphor. The Bull Shark is different than most other sharks, or for that matter, most other saltwater fish. It can adapt to fresh water. Like some kind of aquatic hybrid it flips from the saltwater environment to the freshwater environment as easily as a Prius in city traffic.

Lately, the Bull Sharks have been wandering up the Louisiana Swamp Lands through the inland waterways and traveling as far as St. Louis. Whether they are restless creatures, afflicted with a poor sense of direction, or merely curious to see St. Louis is anyone’s guess. But the trip from the Delta to St. Louis is a good 900 miles, so in an era when most folks are sticking close to home the Bull Shark is in search of new hangouts.

You wouldn’t expect to see a shark in fresh water. Especially in shallow fresh water. And it must come as a real surprise to have one gnawing on your leg. Since they can grow up to ten feet long, a hungry Bull Shark is no small matter, nor can it be easily dismissed. It is more like if the Taliban decided to visit your local shopping mall.

What makes this new expeditionary Bull Shark force even more disturbing, is that if they find romance in those freshwater byways, the female can spawn some dozen little babies. Makes the Octomom pale by comparison. And as we know, babies get hungry, and babies will feed on just about anything. While the Bull Shark prefers its sushi alive and swimming, it can eyeball a human who in murky water appears the flapping fish.
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So here we have another situation where external forces are messing with our conditioned knowledge of the universe. In this case a crackpot theory or a subject for B Hollywood movie becomes are living reality. It’s another case is down is up and up, of course, is down. Only not all the time. Sometimes up is really up, and down is really down.

What we think we know, is not the case. What we have been told, turns out to be as mythical as any other legend, be it Bull Sharks in the swamps or alligators in the sewers of Manhattan. We have facts, but then the facts mutate, much like the Bull Sharks and the Swine Flu. In the end, we have all this information, and we remain confused.

We decry healthcare reform because the government is involved, but we demand we keep our Medicare and Social Security. We spend more than we make, and then we wonder why we are broke. We are vehemently opposed to terrorists and those who support them but insist we have the right to gas guzzling vehicles. We are preoccupied with our electronic gadgets, and then wonder why we are lacking in intimate human relationships. We search desperately for romance online, but ignore the person standing next to us.

We think sharks are saltwater creatures. Once again, we are wrong.

The Women’s Movement, Advance Back to the 1950’s

There are many ways to move backwards. One of the more popular ways is to embrace what we perceive as tradition. We view a seemingly idealistic pattern of behavior that has been rejected perhaps by previous generations and see it with fresh eyes and renewed vigor. We see the upside, forgetting or ignoring that a downside ever existed.

It is perhaps even natural to want to return to the past. The present is unsettling, and the future is obscure and insecure. In the past it seems like values and virtues were firmly set. People were honest artisans who farmed organically and used beasts of burden and not dreadful gasoline guzzling, sheet metal monsters to travel about. Men were genteel and women were kind and gracious, capable of walking on air. People has a special sense, a sixth sense, if you will, to perceive things that escape us today.

Of course, no one wishes to dwell on the realities. The health issues, the dangerous horse doody and the piles of garbage in the streets. We forget the levels of ignorance, illiteracy, and genetic maladies that left us with goiters, wall eyed, hairlipped, or with an extra leg hanging out of our chests. We ignore the millions who starved because organic farming wasn’t quite getting it done. We admire the honest craftsman but ignore the fact that until here was mass production most went without most things. Many went without even shoes. Most people had two outfits. Every day and Sunday. There were no color choices or the need for shoe racks or designer hangers.

And then we have the Women’s Movement. First off, there is no denying that there are great many skilled, highly intelligent and competent women practicing in any number of professions. These are great women who have changed the course of history and made tremendous contributions to their industries and disciplines, and to society as a whole.

More women than men are graduating from medical school and law school. Women, overall, earn more money than they ever did. On the less grand scale, there are more working women, showing up at the office or working diligently from remote locations, mainly because they have to contribute to the household income. They work because they have to, they want to, to the point perhaps where they never give it a thought.

But then there are increasingly more younger women who lack the desires of the women who pioneered the Women’s Movement. Maybe it is a generational thing. Perhaps it is even rebelliousness or a backlash of sorts. Or maybe some have arrived at the harsh reality that sitting at home is a lot better than showing up at an office where you are forced to deal with politics, harassment, and the duties inherent with your profession or job.

Some may argue that this is not the case. And some may argue that these women have the freedom to do whatever they choose. It’s about choice. Yes. Certainly it is. But when you are taking up space in an elite law or medical school so you can be a better marriage prospect, rather than a contribution to that community, something may be wrong with this picture.

As Marilyn McGrath Lewis, director of undergraduate admissions at Harvard, was quoted in an article in the New York Times, “It really does raise this question for all of us and for the country: when we work so hard to open academics and other opportunities for women, what kind of return do we expect to get for that?”

In the same article Peter Salovey, the dean of Yale College, ” What does concern me is that so few students seem to be able to think outside the box; so few students seem to be able to imagine a life for themselves that isn’t constructed along traditional gender roles.”

Simply put, a lot of precious space is allocated in schools that produce influential inhabitants in their disciplines, people who move forward to assume places at the highest levels of their professions. People who become inventors and innovators, judges, developers of vaccines, leaders in their communities and their nation. This is not necessarily the place where someone takes up one of the few seats to practice for a couple of years and then move on to stay-at-home motherhood.

And with this type of behavior, we are referring to the achievers. We are referring to the elite. Beneath the elite we have those who quite simply just want to marry the richest guy with the most stuff on the best career track who can let them stay at home. Where professional challenges were once the major concern for young women in college, it seems now the big ticket it merely to find the guy. Find the guy. Marry well. Marry rich. As for love…maybe?

That way you can stay home, have lunch with your girlfriends and wax for hours on the celebrity hit list and other people they don’t know. This new attitude, as noted before, may be an act of rebellion. It may be a reflection of the economy. It is tough economic times and life is tough out there. Find someone who will take care of you. Not someone you can be with and share the joys and misery. Someone who will take care of you.

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There is no blame, really. And this is hardly a rant. It’s an examination of the overall policies, social and financial, that have left this nation, hurting, wanting, and very insecure. As a market driven society where consumerism made up two thirds of the economy, going cold turkey on the shopping impulse is like being a junkie at a revival meeting. You don’t know what to do with yourself or when the pain will start to fade.

In a society where air brushing as created the perfect form of beauty that no living being could ever recreate, it is bound to drive women crazy. To think that our celebrities and movies stars, who appear to us after sixteen hours having designers, makeup artists, etc., preening, fussing, and dressing them, can be copied in real life is bizarre. Truly bizarre. Yet that belief is the standard. It is an accepted reality, in spite of the facts. In spite of the facts that the celebrities and models can’t duplicate in real life the perfect image of themselves.

Yet here we are with women believing that with a few good beauty tips and some high priced cosmetics they can actually look as good as their aspirations. So women, smart women, exchange beauty and dressing tips, talk about their favorite celebrities and seem never wonder how they allowed themselves, no voluntarily, jumped into this box in the first place.

Men don’t escape responsibility. When it comes to romance and related social issues. Most men are idiots. Inarticulate idiots, at that. “Dude. Dude?” The idolize the marketing version of the sex symbol that is both unwieldy and unachievable. It makes them feel awkward to think they have settled for less than the stay at home beauty queen.

It is understandable. Most men really don’t have much to work with. They have their jobs and the things they buy and they things they believe they possess. Like their women. Most men have been programmed that anything remotely resembling taste, outside of cars and lawn care, is effeminate or gay. They are taught to believe their wives know better about everything except the job and the industry they compete in nearly every day of their lives.

More importantly, many men are threatened by thinking and successful women. They want their women to stay at home. They don’t want them competing. It is tough to have a bigger penis contest with someone who has you out outmaneuvered because they aren’t wearing one. It is tough to go up against the traditional social pressures that have evolved since Mom and Pop partnered as equals in the Mom and Pop shops.

After all, your mother and father probably set up the family that way. Others around you have condemned you as less of a man if you can’t carry the weight of a stay at home wife and three kids in the self-indulgence program on the weight of your designer shoulders. This is your job. Nay. This is your duty. Sit there and be mute, forgetting the lessons of the past.

What past? When the little woman sat home and allowed her brain to atrophy on nonsense and more nonsense. When the high point of the day was doing battled with that dreaded ring around the collar. When the woman was viewed as chattel, because as such they had no real ownership other than what was allowed by law. When soap operas and smores took priority over the Cuban Missile Crisis and the advent of social change.

Part of that change was Women’s Liberation. More succinctly, Women’s Rights. I remember when a good job for a woman was being a teacher. “You could always teach,” or so it went. “Or teach for a couple, few years until your husband gets his career off the ground. And then you can stay home and go out of your mind with the children.”

Okay, it’s different now. With the advent of illegal immigration and cheap labor, many women have a helper. They have a nanny and a housekeeper. They don’t clean, they don’t have to clean, cook, or do the laundry themselves. The maid does it. If you explain it correctly in broken Spanish, then she may even hang the delicate fabricates and not cram them into the dryer.

It is different. Women’s careers. Been there done that. Women are free to go to the top schools in the country and then be the stay at home mother. They can nosh with friends on salad and sushi. They can discuss the merits of Young Einstein. Rather than try to be one themselves.

As for the women that still march on, working to achieve at the highest levels of profession and society. Bless you for keeping the bar at some civilized level of progress. I realize it is tough sledding in the face of those who criticize you and wonder if you have a screw loose for not seeking out the perfect fellow and settling down. At home. But you are the ones who the next generation may use as role models. You may yet inspire the next generation of women, not to stay at home but to take advantage of their talents, their brains and, yes, their sexuality. Take advantage so that society can benefit from your unique and special skills.

New Video Artist Cut of Tron, Featuring Cheech and Chong

Artist Cut of Tron starring Cheech and Chong.

Source: www.youtube.com

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A psychedelic, economic melt down remake of the 1982 sci-fi groundbreaker “Tron.” Starring Cheech and Chong. “I don’t think you should watch anything like that straight. It’ll have lasting, traumatic …

Strap Hangers for Chinese Airlines?

This seems like the makings of what is almost a good idea. A Chinese airline is considering allowing standing room passengers at cheaper rates for shorter flights. That’s right, standing passengers on the airline. That way the airline could cram some 40% more passengers on its Airbus 320 airplanes. As if the airplanes are not crowded enough.

The standing passengers would be the ultimate no thrills ticket buyers. Pure economy. Already the recession has left the ariliens searching for new ways to cut costs. You can just picture this. For takeoff and landing they would be strapped into what is described as a bar stool-like stand. They will be fasted in on seatbelts. Should a crash occur, I suppose, they will be left hanging around like so much meat in a locker.

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Flying as it is, anymore, is painful on the best of days and under the best of circumstances. This overcrowded little voyage, what with the body odor, the chattering, and shifting and turning has to be an unforgettable experience. Then there is the extra time for boarding and deplaning, going through all the metal detectors and sensors, drooling into your tomato juice. And this is before we get to the air turbulence or mechanical troubles, with passengers bouncing around, losing their balance, screaming, whatever.

Before we pick on the Chinese airline, realize that Airbus is also considering this option. Ah, the romance of travel.

The Amazing Michael Jackson Death Tour

The other day I made the mistake of cracking wise about the Michael Jackson memorial service that was held at the Los Angeles Staples Center. I cracked that while Jackson is there at the home of the NBA Champions he maybe should try out for the Lakers. The person was scandalized, like I besmirched the Pope or called Mother Theresa a strumpet.

To say the least, the Michael Jackson death watch has gotten way, way out of control. Or, rather, it is very much in control. In fact, it is a money machine, generating multiple millions in primary and ancillary markets. Those in control of the Jackson’s estate are milking this for all it is worth. For the entire last year, there were approximately, a million and a half music downloads of Jackson tunes. In the last week or so since his death, the music downloads alone have totaled over two million.

Then of course there are the tee-shirts, coffee mugs, assorted memorabilia, and all the money made before an after the Staples funeral service where thousands of adoring fans splurged in a bad economy is well in the millions. To make it sweeter, all this money is being raked in without Michael Jackson partaking in his legendary spending. Huge debt loads are now being worked back to substantial profits, and the troubled estate is troubled no more.

Now there are plans for a second memorial service. An annual memorial service review couldn’t be far behind. Then could come the memorial service roadshow where singers and performers hurting in income thanks to a bad economy, can do the music theater version of the Michael Jackson memorial service. This should generate some revenue from the adoring fans.

I am not the only one who finds this Michael Jackson Funeral Death Tour anywhere from in bad taste to absurd and grotesque. Far from it. Still, we are in the minority. We are among the seemingly few who wonder how the American memory, not the best in most times, can conveniently forget about his past transgressions. Okay, so he was never convicted of child molestation, but the lack of belief that it is possible, is, well, unbelievable.

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I am sorry if I don’t find Michael Jackson quite ready for deification. I cannot put him up there with Albert Schweitzer and, yes, Mother Theresa. I think he was a notable talent, but I find it arguable whether he was the king of all pop. I loved the Motown sound but, frankly, I was never all that much of a Jackson Five fan. Forgive me for preferring the Temptations, the Four Tops, Smokey Robinson, etc., over one talented child and several less talented siblings.

In fairness, I loved Thriller. I think it was a seminal record as it was the first to really combine the visual effects with the music on such a major scale. It was a truly wonderful work that neither Jackson or anyone else ever duplicated. Michael Jackson’s reputation as a music great could stand alone on Thriller.

But back to reality. The reality being this–are we so starved and so hollow that the death of a pop singer could generate so much emotion? Is his death more a comment on the cynical marketing activity to make a buck on anything than it is his actual passing? Years ago, while still in the music business, I remember clearly a discussion among friends where one commented that Jackson, who was undergoing some controversy at the time, was fated for a tragic and early death.

But nevertheless, we are being saturated by the news media and every other source that can distract us and pull money out of our pockets. Forget the North Koreans and their misguided missiles. Forget the recent Ahmadinejad power grab in Iran. Forget this economic disaster, the job layoffs, our casual slide into our status as a second tier nation. What’s all that when compared to an eccentric celebrity who insisted on welshing on loans to support his personal amusement park and zoo. For the children, of course.

Maybe some day, if we haven’t dumbed down any further than we already have, generations will look back at this and shake their heads in wonder. They may have no idea why we behaved like idiots and gave our emotions over to a cyncial marketing and money machine. They may not have a clue. They will, however, still have Thriller.