Santa Monica’s Octopus. A Botched Escape or an Octopus’ Garden

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I have known for a long time that Octopi are smart.   I know it because I used to watch Jacques Cousteau as a kid, and in his special on the Octopus.    He featured one solving the puzzle of a clear glass dome around its nest.   Took the Octopus no time to figure it out.

Cousteau declared them smart and with great potential.If only they had longer life spans.  They don’t.  I believe he said the average life span for an Octopus is two years and change.  Not exactly the life of a butterfly, but a whole lot less longevity than your average dog.  Whether they are young or aged, to me they always look like sleepy but sage-like old men.

There are sixty different kinds of Octopi.   Cousteau might have provided that information as well, but if he had, I have forgotten over time.  Besides, for the most part they all look the same anyway.  Unless you are another Octopus.   Size varies and size matters.  Dukeing it out with a three inch Octopus is a lot less challenging that being accosted by one that grows up to 36 feet long.

Octopi are gypsies.  They scavenge odd bits of metal, glass,whatever off the ocean floor, and build a house.   Two days later they go out hunting for food and usually never return to the house.   I suppose the price of real estate for an octopus is no great consideration.
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No one will ever consider an octopus cuddly, although they have been known to display affection toward humans.  Once again, Jacques Cousteau.   They are hardly ferocious and they are rather shy.   They would rather run than fight.  As for being lovers and not fighters, I think their sex is short if not all that sweet.  Octopus sex is not much for foreplay.  What a waste of arms.

The reason I mention all this because an Octopus in the Santa Monica, California Aquarium recently disassembled the recyling valve on the water system and flooded the the aquarium with over two hundred gallons of seawater.  Whether it was trying to escape or building a garden is a question for the ages.  Or it merely wished to change the ambience in the aquarium and make it feel more like home.

For its efforts, the nameless Octopus was named “Flo.”  Flo was lucky.   Fourteen years ago an ocotupus in the San Pedro Aquarium pulled a plastic pipe loose.   The octopus’ tank drained and the octopus died.   No escape and no garden.    I suppose that fate is better than ending ignominously in strips on a salad plate.

Flo apparently watched intently as the cleaning crew dried out the aquarium before the first group of school kids arrived.   It may have been laughing, but no one seems to know what an octopus’ laugh sounds like.   But either way, a consciousness is quite apparent in the octopus.  For those who are skeptical about the consciousness of animals who are dubed the lower form of life, I have to wonder about their thinking.  In fact, Ihave to wonder if they are even thinking at all.

When Cosmetic Surgery is Put on Hold

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Okay, so clearly we are emerging from a period of excess with surplus of everything and no money to buy it.   We have become used to the rituals of skin, hair, and body enhancement, including everything from expensive but dubious products to laser treatments, Botox, and cosmetic surgery.   We have been waxed, primped, cut, coddled, massaged and injected.

We try to look younger, cuter, more handsome.   We have penis enhancement, hair implants, testosterone shots, and steroids.  We pull back our faces and suck the fat from our belly’s and legs.   And now we are broke, maxed out on the charge cards, out of cash, and no savings to speak of.   We are screwed.   And we are not as good as we want to look.

But across the board there have been serious reductions in the volume  of cosmetic surgery.  It is so critical, fancy doctors are offering deals.  Get a face lift and tummy tuck in a package deal.   Get your eyes done, your ass lifted; get the cellulite out of your legs.    Cosmetic surgeons are hawking their wares, almost going out into the street and forcing patients with their scapels.   It’s almost like an old Earl Scheib commercial where if you get “Diamond Gloss” or whatever they named the paint, they would remove a few nicks and dents as part of the deal.

Adverse effects of certain medications – such as nitroglycerin (Minitran, Nitro-Dur, Nitrostat, others), isosorbide mononitrate (Monoket) and isosorbide dinitrate (Dilatrate-SR, Isordil) Have very low blood pressure (hypotension) or uncontrolled high blood pressure then please consult the doctor before taking Silagra.If you are allergic to Sildenafil citrate sildenafil price in india http://www.wouroud.com/presentation.php?ln=en then it is advisable to take this herb after consulting with a physician. In this way, in the form of stretching, aerobic discount cialis pill blood can bring adequate nutrition. After about half an hour of browsing I viagra in india online chose one standard size model with basic functions. May be someone is not able to write and not able to remember female viagra in india the shape of charters or words. The sad fact is, while the economy is in the dumper, most of us will have to go it on our own.   We can maybe do it yourself the hair coloring, the cosmetics, even the manicure and pedicure, but for the other stuff we will have to do without for what may be a long time.   Those poor Vietnamese women in all the nail parlors will suffer right along with the plastic surgeons.   We are on our own, wrinkles, bags, sags, cellulite laden, and balding.

We will have to get over the fact we are organisms that fall victim to gravity.   No more hopes we will look like some of our  two bit idols who, truth is, in reality never look like they do after five hours of primping.    For romance, we will have to resort to charm and what looks we have.   We will have to be engaging, doing something different, instead of uttering the same-same and expecting sparks to fly.   We may be to be good at conversation; we may have to polish our sense of humor.   We will have to, heaven forbid it, learn again the meaning of irony.

So sex may not seem as much as a Chanel commercial, but it’s still sex.  Besides, Chanel isn’t advertising all that much.  Our recreational activities will look less like the ad for some tropical destination and more like people who actually sweat.   Those non-Botox injected  worry lines will reveal at least a form of intelligence.   Who but the dumbest among us isn’t worried during this economy?

But, hey, look at the bright side, you can still shave your pubes.   It’s either this or you sit cloistered inside your room, firing down ice cream and watching movies, talking to your friends and wishing for the good old days.   But remember, if the good old days were really that good, they wouldn’t have left us here.

When the Police Hire Criminals

Modern history has a fair number of examples of  bad guys working for the good guys.   Some  years ago there was a hit television series called “It Takes a Thief.”   The theme of the series was a master jewel thief is finally caught by the federal authorities and turned to do jobs in behalf of the nation.   He is the sophisticate who sees where his bread is best buttered.

There are true life incidents of cyber criminals working for the feds.   Former black hats, as they are known in that sector, becomes white hats and work for the government countering everything from computer hacking and cracking to cyber warfare.   These again are relatively sophisticated people, albeit geeks of an outlaw order, who demonstrate exceptional intelligence.

Both legend and film lore have examples of old western outlaws becoming lawmen to adjust to the changing times.   Pat Garrett is such a real example.

But now you have the police forces around the country hiring convicted criminals as law enforcement officers.   If they are not convicted criminals then they are people with known ties to drug cartels and street gangs.   They are usually of the lesser sophisticated variety.   They have limited formal education and are hardly the world weary types who are trying to accommodate the changing times.

More succinctly, these are people who have enjoyed recent ramp ups in the certain police and sheriff’s departments.  The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s come to mind, as a recent report established in its rush to increase its numbers, the Sheriff’s department had hired criminals and people with known ties to gangs and perhaps the Mexican Drug Cartels.
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There are obvious ramifications to all this.   If we cite one of the major problems in the Mexican law enforcement agencies as corruption, then it would seem we are incubating the same problems here by hiring the wrong people for the police departments.   Since the major complaint about the Mexican authorities is that their forces are filled with known criminals who not only are affiliated with the cartels but perhaps even run aspects of the cartels.

When you have gangsters as the law enforcement authorities, then it would stand to reason the same problems in Mexico would be initiated here in the United States.   Criminals as law enforcement personnel is a bad idea that serves as a breeding ground for the degrading and increased corruption in the law enforcement community.   In a troubled economy where authorities are overwhelmed and  often outgunned, they are also infested with temptation to take the payoff and look the other way.   This is a lousy economy so the temptation is that much greater.

The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s have again returned to the standards established prior to the more recent hiring policy.   They got smart.   They realized that they were not following up on the applicants’ background checks  since inadequate numbers of personnel couldn’t keep track of the background searches that took as much as eight months to return.     They realized this was a bad idea and one that could prove embarrassing and invite liability claims against the department.

What is remarkable is there was someone who thought initially this change in policy was actually a good idea.

You Can Strike Cello Scrotum from Your Worry List

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Finally, the truth can be known.   There is no such thing as Cello Scrotum.  Thirty Four years later we learn that Baroness Elaine Murphy and Husband John, made up the disease as a joke, after hearing about Guitarist’s Nipple, which is an authentic disease.

Murphy, who is now a member of the British House of Lords, fabricated the disease, claiming it was ball chafe caused by placing a cello between your legs.   Guitarist Nipple, on the other hand, is inflammation of the nipples, caused by pushing the guitar against your chest.    The original paper, declaring the existence of the dreadful cello scrotum was actually published in the prestigious British Medical Journal.  What do they know?

Due to this symptom it is named as bacterial infection that is being carried out as the added advantage of acquiring it with a heavy meal as the medication would work slower. purchase cialis wouroud.com Are used for the treatment of Parkinson’s disease, and sildenafil overnight shipping all of your questions. It has been observed that after 30 minutes of its use, this tablet starts to work effectively and have little or no side-effects.Today a number of oral medications are available for treating erectile dysfunction. wouroud.com tadalafil soft tabs This medication doesn’t require a prescription .Medical buy generic cialis effect of the anticoagulant medicine warfarin. I suppose this is but one more indication of the gullibility found among the allegedly thoughtful.   It is why, I suppose, people will believe there are aliens under the bed and that humans co-existed with dinosaurs six thousand or so years ago.    It is why we can buy a $5 Thousand Dollar a month mortgage on a house for $2,600 on a teaser loan and thins will work out fine.

As the Murphy’s attest, anyone who actually watches a musician play the cello will realize that the dreaded cello never becomes intimate enough with the scrotum to cause chafing.

So we can relaxe now and breathe easy.   It is safe once again to visit music stores without worry whether the cello will jump off the wall and have a go at your scrotum.   As for your women, I suppose you never did have anything to worry about.   Not even when the hoax was for real.

Barbie is Now the Older Woman

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It was announced that Barbie is fifty-years-old.   She is looking pretty good for fifty, considering all the changes she has been through over the years.   She stays trim, colors her hair so nicely; go figure that she is ready for her AARP card.  According to an article in Media Post, Mattel will be offering a whole raft of celebrations in honor of its famous doll.  There will be fashion shows, assorted partnerships, and a real life dream house.

Is Barbie something special?  Yes, she really is.   She is an icon a mixed metaphor of American prosperity and indulgence.   She is romantic, a symbol of how things should be in life.   Of course, when you are Barbie, you will never experience the difficult times of an economic downturn.   Unless Mattel develops a marketing strategy behind it, you will never see  Barbie in rags, clipping coupons, asking for federal assistance.

Perhaps the most tell-tale sign of Barbie’s worldwide popularity is the time right before the fall of Eastern or Communist Germany.   East Germans were given money by the West Germans for a rare acrosss the border shopping trip.   For the East Germans, it was going from a place with barely the necessities and few options, to a land of surplus and many different options.   What did they buy?   They bought Barbie Dolls.   Barbie Dolls were the biggest seller.
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We have joked about Barbie, made fun of her  and her boyfriend, Ken.  We have seen Barbie manifest herself in many different personalities, and a plethora of outfits.   Dress her up, dress her down; she is still Barbie.   And Barbie is part of our history, like Mickey Mouse, and Luke Skywalker.   She is at the place in our culture where fiction intersects with our dreams and forms a working reality.   She is part of us.   She is timeless.

We will never see Barbie in a scandal.   She will never be arrested for drunken driving or taking drugs.   She will never go out with the wrong guy, get knocked up, and then make the tabloids in some sleazy divorce.   She will never wrinkle with age, and we will never wonder what lubricants she uses for post-menopausal encounters.   She will never smell, and she will never get sick on us.   In turn, we will never get sick of her.

She is a winner, and America loves its winners.  Happy Birthday, Barbie.