women – Page 18 – Hopeful Romantics

At Wal-Mart You Can Shop Till You Drop

By now most of the known world has read in the New York Daily News or elsewhere about the tragedy at a Long Island Wal-Mart, where an employer died after being trampled by a couple of hundred people. Apparently, he made the mistake of trying to hold them back and paid the price with his life. Other people were also injured and there was a controversial report that a pregnant woman miscarried.

If this episode wasn’t so tragic we could find it funny. There have been numerous comedy scenes in television episodes and feature films, comic strips, even, where overzealous shoppers trample each other in search of the ultimate bargain. The old comic strip, “Dagwood,” comes to mind. The artist had regular strips depicting women fighting each other, playing tug-of-war for bargain goods.

But the fact is it is pretty tragic. It is also very telling. It is telling on different levels. On one hand we can view this as a reflection of the bad economy where the need to save money has driven people to wait outside the doors of a department store for it’s special opening at 5:AM. Some stores even had special midnight openings. For a country that goes to bed after the Jay Leno or David Letterman monologue, it says something about the need to find a bargain.

It also says quite a lot about consumerism. I have to wonder, what are people doing out there at five A.M.? How much can you really care about buying something that you would stand there like cattle waiting for the doors to open so you could fight you way under fluorescent lighting to get something for your wife and kids, girlfriend, whatever? What does this really say about us, and the fact we cannot cure that disease, that we are consumer addicts.

Seventy percent of this economy if built on consumerism. We buy stuff. We buy a lot of stuff we don’t even need. We buy stuff to impress our friends. We buy dumb stuff, and in good economic times we pay a lot of money for overpriced, status seeking stuff that has the requisite branding. We don’t save; we spend. We buy. We don’t buy things that last, most of the time, anyway, we buy instead things that are fashionable. Things that we buy are built to be obsolete. We even buy quality cars that were built to last and trade them in because we are bored with them.

We are so obsessed with buy, apparently,we don’t mind elbowing and even trampling a few people to buy more stuff. Okay, so it’s the holiday. It is a holiday in the worst economy in perhaps 100 years, and here we are buying. Hang out Santa Claus and a few pretty lights, and we kick into buying mode like so many Pavlovian Dogs.
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Of course others have a different take on the incident at Wal-Mart. Some are blaming the greedy retailers for having the temerity to open their doors in the wee hours of the morning. At least for me it is a wee hour of the morning. Some are more racist in tone and issue forth deplorable comments that the writers don’t even bother couching in more acceptable, or polite, racist content. Pretty amazing.

As for the consumerism itself, it would seem a bit obsessive to be buffeted around by crowds at pre-dawn hours, waiting for a store’s doors to open. I would think you have to be nuts, but then there were so many standing there, they couldn’t all be crazy. Just sick. Sick with what, I’m not sure. And if not sick, not real logical.

The fact when the stores are stuck with unsold merchandise, say three weeks from now, they will practically be giving it away. You can waltz in, make a better deal, and walk out without fear of getting trampled. Or if you are really smart you can wait until after the holiday when they may be paying you to take this stuff out of the store. You could buy on line and save gas and sanity, life and limb. Or you can be really, really smart and be more discriminating and not get so caught up in shopping it becomes a major distraction.

Whatever you do for the holidays, this is certainly not the way to do it. If you are that bored with your life, and your life is that stale that mobbing the front of a store, in cold weather yet, seems like a good idea, perhaps you should seriously consider ceasing to populate the earth any further. We really don’t need more people, and we certainly don’t need more shoppers.

You may see the light. Or the only lights that may penetrate the huddled masses are the twinkly lights of Holiday Season. I would say Christmas, but it really has little to do anymore with the birth of Christ, Winter Solstice or whatever else you celebrate. It is about you and how much you can shop. It is about shopping, and not really so much about the giving. You shop till you drop. Or kill someone.

No matter how you see this, there is one thing you definitely won’t see standing in the middle of a department store, either at 5 A.M. or any other time where getting frazzled and frustrated is considered part of the experience. Definitely one thing you won’t see. Me.

Leave Your Child in Nebraska–No Deposit, No Return

There are many laws, many rules, in fact, that seem almost like a good idea. Without the, I suppose, the road to hell would never be paved with good intentions. Case in point is the State of Nebraska and its “Safe Haven” law which was passe for all the right reasons.

What are those reasons? The law enabled distraught, unstable and otherwise messed up mothers to dump their children at a fire station or hospital, rather than abandon them, totally. Clearly, the Nebraska Legislature had its hard in the right place when it passed this bill a couple of months ago. What this means in general is rather than drop a kid in a dumpster or leave him on the street, an irresponsible parent can legally relieve himself of the bouncing baby.

The thing is, the same Legislature didn’t foresee the challenges in not putting an age limit on the kids left behind. But since then people have been driving in from distant states to drop their kids on the doorsteps of Nebraska institutions. Sometimes these kids are a little older than bouncing babies, like seventeen years old. In fact nearly three dozen kids were dropped off. None of them were infants.

One poor kid was left calling after its mother, “I’ll be good, I’ll be good.” But the mother kept right on walking. Amazing. The allegedly lesser developed mammals don’t abandon their young. But for some of us, this is obviously plausible.
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Now I hear people are abandoning their pets due to difficult economic times. I realize also we have all seen the vintage black and white movies where the distraught but guilt and depression ridden Mom leaves her kid on the doorstep. But for adult to leave their somewhat advanced children to the fate of the State is beyond the imagination of many. In fact, it is pretty deplorable.

Maybe the so called problem kids are better off without these parents. Maybe they will be allow to straighten out and lead productive lives whereas living with destructive Moms and Dads would result only in their own destruction. With these things it is always difficult to say.

If this weren’t so sad, so pathetically deplorable it would almost be funny. It is not funny. But it is telling. It tells about some of us and what our sense of responsibility and accountability is, even with raising our very own children. In some ways, that is beyond words.

The Nebraska Legislature has seen the error of its decision. It is amending the law to stipulate only newborns. It is a wise choice. Still, there are at least dozens of people out there who are seriously considering abandoning thei childen. Some have already done so. The rest were either ignorant of the law or merely too lazy to make the drive.

Beware! Female Sex Addicts Are Lurking Among Us

There is a vintage Steven Sills song. It is called “Love the One You’re With.” That seemed like wise words in earlier days when not only the more responsible among us but even the young had less concerns. Today there are many things to fear, from food additives to terrorists. You can catch every kind of disease, including some we never heard of. So it’s hard sometimes just to have sex with someone you like, yet alone love the one you’re with.

Nevertheless, sex addiction is on the rise. Or so they say, whoever “they” are. I always suspect the “they’s” in this case are the ones promoting a new fear and making money from it by exploiting the susceptible. Hey, if you can sell drugs for “Restless Leg Syndrome,” you can hold therapy sessions to cure people from wanting too much sex. I know people who it seems the notion of sex never seems to cross their minds anymore. Either they have given up or gotten realistic. Or don’t know the difference. It’s hard to say. But I digress.

Back to the rising tide of sex addiction. Turns out women are sex addicts as well as men. There’s a revelation for you. Not quite the Rapture, but nevertheless I’ll give you time to absorb it. Women chasing around in search of wanton, mindless sex. Whew! How could they?

What’s more, the number of female sex addicts is rising. Whether the figures are on the increase or more women want this sort of attention is hard to say. Perhaps by surrendering yourself to therapy as the great wanton hussy, you can achieve recognition for being sexual. Or you can meet some cute guys with the same ideas. I don’t know But, yes, according to a recent article in the London Times women can be prone to sex addiction right along with men.

According to the article, thirty percent of the people being treated for sex addiction are female. Not exactly a fifty-fifty proposition but notable just the same. One woman talks about her longest romantic relationship lasting all of three months. Other women talk about the need for intimacy, to be accepted, to be perceived as attractive. Some talk about the romance and fantasy, the thrill of the hunt. You know, what we typically call men stuff.

A noted writer, Susan Cheever, just wrote a book about her own sex addiction. The book is called, Desire: Where Sex Meets Addiction, for those who are interested. Cheever’s father was iconic author John Cheever who it appears struggled with his own sexual behavior. So then the question arises–is sexual addiction much like drug addiction or alcoholism? Is it something that is passed down from one generation to another?

One must wonder if addictive personality is passed through the genes. Sometimes it will manifest itself in the similar practices of one’s parents. Sometimes the children will find a new channel and take their addictive personality down a new road of dependency. Or they pair them up–alcoholism, drug and sex addiction– the Dependency Combo. A Deli Special sandwich. Hold the pickle. This is all conjecture, but it seems to bear out in most cases.

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A woman has needs. A man had needs. A man can fulfill these needs, as Lenny Bruce once wrote, by screwing wet sand. Anything that has intercourse with wet sand is not someone easily reasoned with. They have an urge and they respond. Esteem issues may enter into it. But then again, that would give men more credit for their sexual consciousness than may ever be necessary. Or realistic.

Women on the other hand think about it differently. Most women. But then there are women who are just horny as hell and just want hot sex, a shower and the time to move on down the line. It is safe to say that they have dated. They didn’t like what they found. They were looking for romance and found eels in suits and jeans instead. Or they found love and were bitterly disappointed.

Whatever their story, now they want to get their rocks off. Perhaps it is vindication. It may be affirmation of their good looks. It may be a snatch at the gold ring of fantasy. You read enough romance novels and you got to at least once try to put it into practice. In any event, for one reason or another, there are women in this world who have decided they would rather have sex with anyone than sit and home eating ice cream and watching romantic movies that remind them of what they are missing in life.

There are women out there who just don’t care. They don’t want intimacy. They want sex. They want to get off not buy into someone else’s fantasy. These are the type of women we love to disparage. Some of us wish to disparage. Others wonder where are they and what are they doing on this Saturday night? Do you have their number?

I guess the main thing about addiction is not whether it is in control. Addiction by its name means you are out of control. The main thing about addiction is whether or not you are doing harm to others. Are you busting any bubbles, wrecking families, whatever? Then you may want to take a look at what you are doing.

Some will protest and claim the addicts are doing harm to themselves. Yes they are. They sure are. Let’s face it addictive behavior hardly promotes a positive life force. It is fair to say the spirit is wanting. But then there are other things that may be worse. Life in a vacuum comes to mind. Life searching for the perfect mate to find anything but that. Life wondering who you are and what you want.

So if you see a woman who is a confessed sex addict, she may be confessing not out of some twelve step surrender, but out of self-awareness. Don’t try to intervene. Don’t try to help her. Just ask for her number. It would probably do the both of you some good.

Lindsay Lohan and the Celebrity Personality Makeover

Sometime over the summer I was reading an article in the Los Angeles Times about San Francisco poet, August Klenizahler. I read how he was the bad boy of verse, and how he has alienated fellow poets with his critiques of their work. He has disenfranchised himself from the Academic literary scene by pronouncing their writing programs”multi-million dollar Ponzi schemes.” All in all, he has pissed off a lot of people in the literary community.

Kleinzhaler’s legacy is he literary tradition of two fisted poets and story tellers who have sometimes allowed their colorful reputations to surpass their writing talents. Their drinking and fighting gets in the way of their careers. They show scorn where they are supposed to display humility. He openly sneers at what he terms the bullies of his business. Whether it is an act or genuine, or a little of both, you have to love the guy for what he is. Aside from all this he is a very talented writer who can select the images that can pronounce the truth of a scene or an incident. That plays like music on the deeper emotions.

Whether Kleinzhaler will mellow with age is still out with the jury. Whether he will be embraced as a curmudgeonly literary icon, much like Charles Bukowski, remains to be seen. Whether he will undergo a personality makeover is doubtful. Depending on your own view of the world and the need for success and acceptance, August Kleinzahler seems incapable of either enduring that ungainly process or possessing the good sense to turn his career around.

The article about Kleinzahler started me thinking about any number of artists are born with a skull full of demons who cause them to abrogate their successes with acts of contrariness and self-destruction. Kleinzahler may well have a reason for confrontation. There is much to be said about his critiques of the middle brow hacks out there in the world of Academia who pass off what meager talent they have for creative achievement. I have known a few of them myself, to say the least. But I digress, since this is not really the point of this story.

As for the other artistic personalities, they may have what to them seems like rational perspectives for choosing disruptive behavior. Others may have been influenced by the wrong people, or let the celebrity go to their heads. Some succumbed to the demons who have been lurking around since childhood.

Some get over it, and some don’t. The ones that do get over it and straighten out their lives make good subject matter for the media. There they can confess to a certain degree about their previous transgressions and then explain how with the help of whatever it was that helped them, they overcame these demons and returned to the path of righteous. Well, all right, if not the path of righteousness, then at least they gathered enough sense to put their careers back in order.

Some, like Bukowski, a talented drunken brawler, are elevated to to iconic status. Ron Jeremy comes to mind as one who has been pronounced some kind of national treasure. Jeremy, of course, was not known for drunken brawler, but made his headlines as a porn star with plenty of stamina. For awhile there it seemed everywhere you went someone was extolling his virtues, telling the world what a nice guy Jeremy was. I believe he is. Not that I know him, other than having sat across from him in the deli now and then. Out in the Valley where the bulk of the porn films are made. It just seems odd some would deem him a national treasure.
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There have been many others who were the bad boys and girls of celebrity. After years of drug and drink soaked depravity, fighting and fornicating in all the wrong places, they became freak show attractions. The only attention they drew was the kind of attention they no longer wanted. They were laughed at and, worse for any celebrity, finally disregarded. The trash dumps of Hollywood are littered with their bodies.

Dennis Hopper comes to mind. He was an absolute pistol in his younger years. He was renowned for his doping and orgiastic behavior. He had gone from the heights of fame and approval to the depths of his profession. And then he cleaned up his act, put on a suit and after years of persuading the Hollywood powers that be, he became respectable. He was allowed to work again and established himself as a consummate actor. He is a renowned art collector and an artist himself. He even votes Republican sometimes and he is the spokesperson for a major financial group’s retirement investment fund pitch to Boomers. That’s a long way from Taos, New Mexico and other reaches of Bacchanalian history.

Barbara Hershey was another. She along with what may be the contributing factor to her career downturn, her then boyfriend, David Carradine. Hershey, after being considered for years the stoned out, loopy, crazy cosmic hippie, cleaned up her act and, yes, put on a suit, and, after some years of persuasion convinced the Hollywood powers that she was reliable once again. Carrdine, after years personal craziness, drifted back into the bosom of acceptability. It may have been a Zen thing, in his case.

The list goes on. Mickey Roarke, after winning kudos for his acting portrayal in the new film, the Wrestler, is about to join the ranks of the redeemed. Always talented, Roarke was distracted by his personal demons until it was all he could do to find an acting job. Now he is redeemed, sober, the aged, craggy, veteran of his own personal wars.

And then we come to Lindsay Lohan. The verdict is not only out on Lindsay Lohan; the court has yet to even convene. Lohan is still going through her own travails as a club crazy practitioner of libidinous and inebriated activities. She is involved in a romantic relationship with another woman, which in Hollywood, despite these allegedly enlightened times, can prove a deal breaker for the leading actress. As far as her being the leading actress her revolving door relationship with rehab can prevent her from being insurable on any major motion picture.

So if Lindsay Lohan is eventually going to get her act together, she will need to change that act. She will need to undergo the Hollywood celebrity personality makeover. It begins of course with sobering up and being much less of an attraction for the tabloids. Then comes her ability to assure people she is sober and reliable, capable of doing what she is asked. She may even need to put on a suit. And then, lastly, as with all the others previously mentioned, there is the matter of talent. While some are lucky to go places despite their lack of talents, once you fall off the proverbial horse, without talent, you can do all the personality changeover you want and nobody will care.

Talent is it. Talent is why your industry and even the public will look past the demons and misdeed. Talent is why they will begin to hope you can make a comeback. Because, without talent, you can climb back on your horse, but you still ain’t going nowhere. Not even in the movies.

Plastic, the Buzz Word of the Sixties, is Causing Health Concerns

For years industry has lived down the arguably unfair 60’s Hippie labeling as everything artificial, uniform and lacking in spirit as “plastic.” Now the greatest concern with plastic may well be the health risks. In a new study that was published on BreitBart the plastics used in food cans, baby bottles and just about everything else may increase the risk of heart disease and diabetes. Use of plastics may result in reproductive issues as well.

This is pretty crazy. It is also controversial with the plastics industry and other related industries denying all claims of danger, while growin evidence indicates there might be a few problems with plastics. If health hazards are definitely proved this will have tremendous impact. Think of the bottled water industry. We will be going back to the faucet and demanding cleaner tap water. There’s a switch.

This may also create an industry for environmentally sound and sustainable bottles and packaging. There are reports already that petroleum based plastic bags will soon be replaced with those made from sugar. Maybe you can eat the bag, after you get finished with its contents.

Meanwhile the controversy will rage for some time to come. There is too much money on the table for the plastics industry to concede the potential health hazards. Also, we are not the most innovative society and not very quick to change our habits. What society is, really? We are used to what we are used to, and we may keep doing it until…well…we do something else.

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And if plastic increases the risk of heart disease, the major killer, and diabetes, which is not only a killer but leads to sexual disfunction, then think of the impact it will have on the sexual industries. I don’t mean pornography here, but everything from the alluring commercials and fashion ads, to the way we perceive ourselves drinking beer. Could put us through lots of changes.

Talk about spoiling the mood. I guess the upside would be all the money we save on dating. Who wants to date if the possibility of sex is not in the offing? Some. I guess. But not all that many. And forget about the lingerie and candles. A person could lose faith. Or turn to it. Hard to say.

So meanwhile, about that beer, drink it out of a glass bottle. Use tap water, and refrigerate that in glass or ceramic. Don’t eat off of plastic and don’t be microwaving your leftovers in a plastic bag or styrofoam box. That should help. Until something else comes along.