When Drivers Can’t Drive Their Cars

We all think the other guy is a lousy driver.   What’s odd,  is that at least one out of five times.  According to an article in Media Post a new report from the2010 GMAC Insurance National Drivers Test we are correct in our assessment.  At that is before we delve into our biases in the way we rate our fellow drivers.   Add in some of the more obvious and extenuating factors and a great many of us should never be anywhere behind a wheel.    Quite a few in fact shouldn’t be allowed to pull a little red wagon, yet alone power a three thousand pound automobile.

The recent report from  the 2010 GMAC Insurance National Drivers Test contends that one in five drivers, nearly 38 million drivers in all would flunk the written driver’s test, if it were given today.    The test incorporated basic driving questions that were culled from the driving manuals in the fifty states.  Nothing too arcane or esoteric.   Just stuff you maybe need to know before you head off for your bag of Doritos and double Mocha Latte with your cellphone in your ear and your makeup in your lap.

Okay, so  maybe in addition to the twenty basic questions there were some other, more directed questions.   There were questions related to the texting while driving.   You know, difficult interrogations that are only slightly less challenging than reading the fat content in a Denny’s Grand Slam.   Questions, from what I gleaned, like whether or not you should duck your head back into the rear seating area for a quick peak  at the monitor where Finding  Nemo is preventing your kids from beating each other with their Young Einstein action heroes.

The study indicates that a number of licensed Americans continue to lack knowledge of basic rules of the road; the national average score decreased to 76.2% this year from 76.6% in 2009.   No need to convince me we are dumbing down. About 85% could not identify the correct action to take when approaching a steady yellow traffic light.  Many drivers remained confused by safe following distances.  This would require math, not a strong suit as of late.    Hell, we can’t even estimate correctly how much oil is leaking into the Gulf of Mexico on a daily basis.   Small chance we can estimate how many feet it takes to stop a car.   And then there is the matter of reading, actually understanding the questions that were being asked.  Other studies report that fifty percent of our citizens are functionally illiterate.   Perhaps we should have left our more serious reading to the dinosaurs who lived with us in domestic harmony a mere 6,500 years ago.

The drivers in some states did better than the drivers in others.   Kansas may not have grasped entirely the radical theory of  Evolution, but at least as a state it came in first on on the written driver’s test with an average score of 82.5%.   New York State finished last with a 70% average score.    That means three out of ten drivers in the Empire State should always be taking the subway.  In general, drivers in the Northeast may not be as well informed about driving regulations as their Midwestern counterparts. The Northeast had the lowest average test scores (74.9%) and had the highest failure rate (25.1%). The Midwest region had the highest average test scores (77.5%) and the lowest failure rates (11.9%).

Not surprisingly,  the older the driver, the higher the score.  The aged are still able to read, which is probably their greatest advantage.   Males over age 45 earned the highest average test score. Males also outperformed females overall in terms of average score (78.1% male versus 74.4% female) and failure rates (24% female versus 18.1% male).    I suppose the one caveat about the vaunted  elderly drivers is that you can also see him driving down the street with his turn signal flashing and a shopping bag perched on the roof of his car.   Then it might be wise to think differently.

As for female drivers, overall, a significantly higher percentage of females than males reported engaging in the following distracting situations: conversation with passengers, selecting songs on an iPod or CD/adjusting the radio, talking on a cell phone, eating, applying make-up and reading.   We are talking multi-tasking.   Not always easy at sixty miles an hour.   And then every once in awhile you do need a hand on the steering wheel, whether you want to or not.    The other day I watched a woman in an SUV while she juggled muffin, coffee, makeup and cell phone, while trying to negotiate the traffic in Beverly Hills.  It was almost an art form, until her one angry bite severed the muffin so it fell out of her mouth and into her lap.    The look on her face was priceless.

George Carlin used to comment in his comedy act that the driver poking along ahead of you  and who won’t let you pass is an imbecile.  On the other hand, the driver whipping around your slow and sorry ass and blazing on up the highway, well that driver is a maniac.   Everyone else, I suppose, is somewhere in between.  And where is in between?   Cutting corners so tightly that they clip the car in the left turn lane who was just sitting there waiting for the light to change.   Trying to figure out how to parallel park sometime before the second coming.    Or not knowing that four wheel drive can help you drive through the ice and snow, but it doesn’t assist much in the way of stopping.

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This report may go a long way to explaining the forty thousand people who die every year in car wrecks, and the couple, few million who are injured.  These figures are actually down from a decade ago, but you can attribute that more to the safety of the vehicles than our collective driving prowess.   I suppose, if you want to get picky, you can also remove from the list the false claims of injury and incapacitation that are mounted to sustain the driver-lawyer-quack doctor menage a’ trois.  Most accidents are not of  the gnarly paralyzing and dismembering  type that will get you a prime spot on the late night commercials sponsored by your local ambulance chaser.

Now bear in mind, the GMAC Insurance is just that…an insurance entity.   Their job is to sell insurance to drivers.   This is where their money is.   And despite the fact that they need and want to sell as much car insurance as possible, they are contending that one in five drivers shouldn’t be behind the wheel.   I would think this is a conservative estimate.    Should we ever get realistic about these estimates, auto sales would plummet even further, insurance policies would go wanting, and the country would have to actually do something about viable public transportation.    Ancillary benefits would mean less of a dependence on oil, and possibly in urban centers you could actually breathe the air. We can’t have that.

But we all know there is no such thing as reality anymore.  Pragmatism is a thing of the past.   If we had common sense, knowing the destruction they cause from distracted driving, we would be draconian in enforcing laws about cellphone use in the car.   In my humble opinion, instead of some measly fine, for first offense they shove the phone where the sun won’t shine, and for the second offense, they remove it with a chainsaw.   But I am being moderate here.  Oprah Winfrey is spending real bucks on commercials where she is dragging out the victims and survivors of victims killed by distracted drivers.   She admonishes us about using driving and cellphone use, and she is a national icon.   Tears fall.  Voices tremble.   This is Oprah., for god’s sake.   Everyone adores her.   Everyone listens to her.  Except when she tells us that when you are driving put down the damn cellphone.   Then even Oprah is a just another pain in the ass.

Perhaps it is wise to use the GMAC Insurance estimates as a base figure and take a closer look.    By utilizing some of the GMAC survey questions we can start to approach the truth.   On the survey, only five percent admitted to texting while driving.  So we are not only a nation of lousy drivers, we are also a nation of liars.    Couple that with the fact that, according to reports, fifty percent can’t read and understand the survey anyway, so there answers may be more guess work than actual comprehension.  Add into this mix those out there who are driving without a license.   There are more than a few.   So this group wasn’t even asked to take the test.      And if you still think it is only a mere twenty percent of the driving population that shouldn’t be behind the wheel, I have one final suggestion.   Take a trip to your local DMV.  Look around.  Then tell me how safe you feel with some of these people motoring down our highways.

By no means does this make us the worse drivers in the world.  Americans are merely the worst drivers in the United States.   Anyone who has driven anywhere else knows the tribulations of, say, the Indian National Highways, or the vagaries of traffic rules in South America.  We can’t all be Canadians, after all.   Even in the South of France, unless you demonstrate you are committed to running over pedestrians, it is nearly impossible to get from here to there.   And these are places where they have some semblance of highways.  Or paved streets.   There are many parts of this world where even the Yak is ill informed to who has the right of way.

And then, despite our whining and sniping, we Americans are pretty much a tough breed.   Come some national holiday where perseverance and John Wayne’s rectitude  are compulsory, before we head out on the highway with a six pack of beer, and a bevy of off-road vehicles trailing behind our four miles per gallon bargain RV.    We are a nation that meets its challenges.  Well, sort of.

Well, there are many challenges ahead of us.  The least of which is being able to read the driving manual.  As John Kennedy implored as President, about our reaching the moon in ten years, we have to continue moving forward.  Which is fine with me.  As long as  we don’t have to drive there.

For the curious sort, you can take the 2010 GMAC Insurance National Drivers Test by clicking this link.

The Grand and Gruesome Tradition of Spousal Murder

Anybody married has at one time or another pondered however briefly the idea of doing away with his or her spouse or long term lover.   It’s natural.   You can lie about it and claim self-righteous indignity, but I seriously doubt if your spouses demise wasn’t at least cause for a flash of speculation.   Except maybe if you are Mother Theresa.  But then, she wasn’t married.

Let’s face it, killing one’s spouse is an historic tradition.    It has peppered history.  It has moved fortunes, and it has realigned nations.  It has also disrupted families and left us to ponder the illogical.  But prevalent.  As it is difficult to pick up a paper and not discover the periodic and often sensationalized story of one significant other reaching the dramatic conclusion that the other significant other is not so significant, after all.

Spouse killings are big news.   Scott Peterson, a pathetic nebish of a man with a lust for other women, a deep seated hatred for his wife, and a bad murder plan, made headlines for months on end, after he killed his eight months pregnant wife, Laci, and tossed her body into the San Francisco Bay.    His turgid story practically made careers.   Talking heads babbled on and on as if this idiot had killed the Archduke Ferdinand and set off the First World War.   But interest in that little catastrophe in distant Europe pales in the face of spousal murder.

I remember as a kid hearing my parents discuss Ethel Kravitz who awakened her husband one morning with five shots into his sleeping body.   She was early in the game and didn’t get the headlines, the book and movie deal she would have today as she explained to all who would listen of her mental torture at the hands of what’s his face.   And then not long ago there was the woman in Texas who as taped by security cameras running her Mercedes over her cheating husband’s body.   Like fifteen times.   Surely her way of declaring the marriage was over.

But then Texas has always been intriguing with its spousal murders.    I remember living there some decades ago when the “crimes of passion” ruling was still hanging around.   Come weekends you would get the murder scores like the ball scores.  The first being how many drunken rednecks not yet accustomed to urbanization shot up the bar and killed some other barfly in a heated dispute over the superiority of  the Ford or Chevy truck.  I remember one incident where one shot another for taking his hat.  Not quite like taking his horse or his truck, but it got him shot just the same.

But that was nothing when compared to the time honored Texas tradition where spouses who shot the wife, husband,  lovers, whatever,  claimed they did it in the heat of passion.  The heat of passion laws were still on the books back then, and more than a few judges paid homage to custom and gave the heat of passion plea notable credibility.   The loving couple may have not spoken to each other for months,  not had sex for decades, but suddenly that old passion blazed inside and blammo, there was blood on the Karastan carpet.    I remember one husband shooting his wife’s lover because he thought he was a burglar.  A burglar standing naked over his straying wife.   And these, mind you, were hardly the trailer trash whose collective insignificance meant their tales of  murder and betrayal was a mere footnote to the upscale crimes of passion.    It wasn’t like today where any half-assed ne’er do well could make big headlines by only killing his or her spouse.  If you were of the lower classes you had to at least kill a whole bunch of people and not just your spouse before any self-respecting journalist would waste news space or air time on your sordid and pathetic story.  But then, that was before there was a 24-hour news monster that had to be fed.

Yes, more than a few of the wealthy and successful have traveled the rickety path from the appearance of reputable citizenship to homicidal celebrity.   There are any number of physicians who choose to do in their wives to avoid the inconvenience of divvying up community property.   Sometimes there is a lover involved, and sometimes it is just a stand alone venal gesture.   Such was the recent case where according to the Los Angeles Times, a man was charged with arranging for his wife’s murder back in 2003.   Only now, are they bringing charges, which speaks well of the tenaciousness of the Los Angeles Police on this murder case.   The murdered spouse was one of their own, after all, and had been a secretary in the Internal Affairs Division.   Police considered among other leads the killing was job related.   But ultimately the motive enveloped the estranged wife discovered assets her husband didn’t declare in what had initially been an amicable divorce.   It came  to light that it was a hired gang member who murdered her with a shotgun, outside a Mexican Restaurant.   At the alleged behest of  her husband.  Her husband had taken there because a friend had told him the guacamole was something special.

But speaking of killings, there are the celebrity murders that seemed wrapped around restaurants.  Something about eating a decent meal that makes one want to kill their beloved.  There is the Robert Blake who was brought up on murder charges for allegedly killing his wife in North Hollywood, outside their favorite Italian restaurant.   He wasn’t convicted.   O.J. Simpson, was also found not guilty, wink-wink, was charged with killing his wife after she, too, returned from a then trendy Italian restaurant in Brentwood.    But Phil Spector was found guilty.  Took two trials to make it happen, as the evidence of his having blood all over himself, powder burns, and claiming to his driver “I just killed someone,” made it a tough call for the jury.    Alright, technically she wasn’t Spector’s wife, but some woman he had picked up in a restaurant.  Nevertheless, Spector deserves some honorable mention here, if for no other reason than his past exploits with former wives and girlfriends.     All those years of trying shouldn’t go unnoted.

There was the celebrity chef, Juan Cruz, who was arrested for arranging his wife’s murder.    And now  Mexican authorities have issued an arrest warrant for Bruce Beresford-Redman, former producer of  “Survivor,” some irony there,  in connection with the killing of his wife.   Beresford-Redman has denied any involvement with his wife’s death.   Saturday Night Live featured player, Phil Hartman, was  shot by his drug addled wife.    Years go, women were best known for poisoning their victims.   But now they have modernized and have exchanged poison for bullets.    And you get to know the outcome of your actions much sooner than poison would allow. You’ve come a long way, baby.

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Age doesn’t seem to be a factor when it comes to killing your spouse.  Spousal murder is fun for all ages.   The young do it, think of Ryan Jenkins, former reality show contestant, who killed his ex-wife, Jasmine Fiore, a former swimsuit model.   Brain child that he was, Jenkins pulled out her teeth and cut off her fingers to keep the police from identifying the body.   He forgot about the serial numbers in the boob job.  Oh well.  At least Jenkins had the decency to hang himself in a Canadian motel and save the state some desperately needed bucks.

And then there is my former neighbor and strange but brilliant fellow, Ira Einhorn.   Combining actual research with actual bullshit, Einhorn was a charismatic soul despite the fact he appeared to  wash every new moon and gave Mr. Dirt a serious run for his money.  Nevertheless,  he captivated the new agers, academicians, and corporate folk alike with his mighty spiel about the expanded mind and the future of everything.   Even when convicted, many still backed him, in fact supported him with money and other assistance as he eluded authorities for close to twenty years.   In fairness, Ira didn’t kill his spouse but the young woman who loved him and then found him overbearing and controlling once she grew up and out of her infatuation stage.   Ira didn’t like that, couldn’t stand the fact that she had left him, and forever sealed their bond by beating her to death with a hammer and then keeping her desiccated body in a trunk inside his funky apartment.   He had convinced the more gullible it was all a set up.  That despite the smell coming from his apartment, he was working in mind manipulation and telekinetic communication.    But the less gullible, like the jury for instance, wasn’t buying it, and convicted poor Ira in something like two hours.  They probably took so long because one juror had lingered in the bathroom.

Okay, enough of the gruesome facts.   There are certainly enough to get  the picture, and the list or spousal and lover murders is far too long for any reasonable person to want to absorb.  Beside, I will live that up to Nancy Grace and the Crime Network.  But spousal murder still remains its own kind of killing.   Jealousy and avarice may be the top two ingredients to set someone off to killing their spouse, that’s true.  But, still, we are referring to a pretty dramatic and reprehensible act here, all to save a few bucks or justify a lover on the side.  Or to nullify that lover on the side.   Whatever.   It is some recourse for what appears an intractable condition.

While we have for the more religious the Biblical depiction of fratricide, there is little I can think of that explains in any detail the killing of one spouse or another.  You can find it in blues songs and in country music, but not in the Bible.    But then I have never been much of a Bible reader, so I might have missed something in class.  And then if I had missed the spousal homicide bit, pop culture would have reared the parable in whatever dumbed down  lyric form so I would at least be aware of it. No going there.   But then not everything in the Bible.   I am Western and think in Western thoughts.   There are  special creeds where the ultra religious somehow still feel justified,  in killing their wives.    But say no more as they tend to get upset when you remind them of it.

Was spousal homicide just inconceivable back in Biblical times?   Doubtful  Or was it that women were considered property or chattel and their sudden demise  at the hands of their self-righteous husbands was nothing to write verses about?   I don’t know.   But then there is no real Biblical listing of wives killing husbands, either.  And they might have been more justified, given the oppression of the times.

And what prompts one spouse to kill another?    Rich and intelligent people commit to spousal murder the face of all probability they will be caught, convicted and sentenced to a place far removed from the golf course?  It is amazing that to avoid giving up material possessions one would stoop to the unthinkable.    Or because they want to leave their spouse for another lover.  Or the spouse doesn’t want them leaving for another lover.   It”s a stone, cold fact yet still amazing that greed and jealousy leads to the kind of  thought  that leads to murder.

I can understand the true crime of passion when in a jealous rage one spouse or the other snaps out and stands there with the smoking gun or dripping knife.  Dumb but understandable.  But most often jealous rage is not the the case.   Most often spousal murders are premeditated and calculated.    Most of the time there is a trail.   There are motives and documents, telephone records and complicit email.   There is often the actual killer, the guy who did it,  arrested on a different charge and now willing to tell all for a lighter sentence.   Or for an appearance on Larry King.  Few get away with it.  But still the beat goes on.

I would love to attribute it to our social programming and blame the media for egging us on.   I would love to cite loose morals, the ever growing need for self-aggrandizement.   I could opt that we read enough headlines, see enough movies, and read enough books to perhaps make some of the more demented start to think spouse killing is an easy fix to a bad marriage.   But it is not the media.   The media may fan the flames, but there is something inside us that leads the charge.   There is that chemical impulse that leads to premeditation, that causes some to cross the line between rational thought and plotting and scheming their spouse’s murder.   Yes, it is in our chemistry.  Damn it.

So I guess we should take into consideration the old Dupont slogan, “Better Living Through Chemistry.”  Or not.   Perhaps it is better said that we are just dumb enough to be human.

Buying Into the End of the World

People have been preaching the end of the world since there were…well…people.   Over the centuries, you have everything to ruin your sleep from the dire predictions of Nostradamus to the guys with sandwich boards warning in ugly painted lettering of the impending Armageddon.   We have had in the Cold War the ever present fear of nuclear annihilation.  Now we have the fear of terrorists with weapons of mass destruction.

We also have the Mayan Calendar, which purportedly ends in December 2012.   Many see this as Doomsday, the end of the world, the end date  of a 5 thousand odd year cycle.  A cottage industry has grown around the fact that the Mayan Calendar does not extend beyond December, 2012.   It is the end of the world, see the movie, buy the cookies, wear the tee shirt.

Maybe the end of the Mayan Calendar has nothing to do with the end of the world.  It may mean nothing more than they foresaw the end of political sanity as a bunch of mediocre candidates may be running for office.   On more mundane levels,  it may mean the Mayans were bored with their lives and found that one day ran into another there was no pressing need to chronicle their lives through time and space.   So instead of extending their calender, it was a symbolic rejection of their future as that future only mimicked present and past–same crap on another day.   Perhaps, after a long, spiritual consultation with their gods, where they sacrificed their last remaining virgins, Mayan priests saw in their future a world of  MacDonald’s and Wal-Marts and figured the hell with the chronicles of history, not with Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin coming online to get it all wrong.

I don’t know.   I don’t even pretend to think I know.   I lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis and that was no joke.  The specter of apocalyptic reality did indeed hover  for those 13 days.  Couple that with the insipid high school air raid drills where behind the closed paper window shades we gathered in the hallways, no talking, no chewing gum, to accept our fate of collective incineration.   Easier that way, as for those who survived the nuclear holocaust would only have one hallway from which to sweep up the ashes.    But as the Cuban Missile Crisis was averted, we were left only with the only one residual epiphany, that doomsday renders high school even more irrelevant than we had originally supposed.   At least that was the value I took away, that no funky, out of date textbook could ever hope to refute.

But now here we are.   We have any number of doomsday predictions.  Pick your pet scenario for impending disaster.   There are certainly enough to go around.  Global warning has its virtues, and of course the terrorists and weapons of mass destruction.  Those Mayans again.   Nostradamus.  Although you haven’t heard much about him lately, at least not since the movie flopped.     Talk about lack of star power and box office draw.  If you go out on the limb, like Nostradamus, you have to  be at least somewhat on target about doomsday to keep them coming back for more.    A couple of flop predictions and those eponymous tee shirts are remaindered to to the bargain racks at Ross Stores, before you can say “Von Dutch.”

So now you have some entrepreneurial soul who is selling bunk beds in a converted bunker out in the Mojave Desert.     AT&T had a bunch of those bunkers stationed around the country.  They were designed to withstand a nuclear blast and keep the communications open through secure microwave technology.   The bunkers are around 14,000 square feet, which is roughly about the tenth the size of your average Kroger or the size of a modest supermarket.      Not real big.   But then, back when these bunkers were built they were constructed so wires and diodes would remain intact and not people.

But here we are in a frenzied world with frenzied headlines and hysteria about one thing or another at every turn.   It’s an odd world that way.   One minute we are told to relish the Hallmark moment, and the next we are warned about the reality of impending doom.   Yes, odd.   Buy stocks and prepare for retirement in one life’s breath and in the other just kiss your ass goodbye.   No wonder people are confused, frustrated, and not sure which way to turn.   If it’s all over twenty minutes from now, why even bother going to the gym?   It is almost as stupid as going to high school.  Well…maybe not that stupid.

So here they are out in the Mojave Desert, selling sanctuary from the end of the world.   It could be all yours for a mere $50,000 in cash.   Blast proof doors and a bunk in a room with three other people.  Yes, you will have one of the four bunks.   Kind of like a youth hostel with freeze dried food that may be slightly worse than the culinary mystery you buy off a roach coach.   Just you and two hundred other people in your 14,000 square foot collective space.  Cozy.

You get to sleep in the same call as three other people.   This means a cacophony of bad breath, stinky feet, snoring, and the occasional sneaky night fart.  This is what you get for your fifty grand.  Not the Ritz, and not the Four Seasons.  Not even the Holiday Inn.  Naw, not even the Motel Six where at least a wall separates you from the commotion next door.    After awhile, it would stand to reason you would be hoping a hundred megaton bomb would relieve you of your last bad decision.   Just throw back the blast proof doors and release yourself to the refreshing embrace of nuclear radiation.
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Okay, so maybe after some deep contemplation the $50,000 investment for a berth in the bunker does not seem like the world’s greatest investment.    Maybe the end result seems more akin to being stuck on a tarmac for several decades while the apocalyptic pilot waits for the nuclear radiation to reach half life.    Maybe, like me, you would rather be swimming with barracuda than cramped in a tight space with vacant humanity for any time longer than it takes to go from here to there.   So it’s possible sitting in a jail cell with a lounge chair is not the best way to slip past the apocalypse.   Maybe you are not that eager to survive, after all.

There is another factor.   Nuclear war happens fast.  Missiles travel at high speeds.   By the time you know the show is in its final run, the missiles are launched and it is a long drive to the bunker that is outside Barstow, California.   Even if you live in Barstow, it’s a tough drive.  And if you live in Los Angeles or any of its suburbs, traffic is at a standstill twenty of its twenty four hours.   So when they announce on talk radio that your life will be over twenty minutes from now, I would venture getting from wherever to some dirt road outside of Barstow ain’t as easy as, say, resolving the national debt.   The little venture gives true meaning to getting there is half the fun.

So there you are, sitting up to here in bumper to bumper traffic, forty three miles from sanctuary, listening to dire warnings from talk radio that the end the world missile is being delivered toasty warm just moments from now, in a big insulated pizza box.  You didn’t make it to your rat hole.      You are dead, thinking to yourself, damn, instead of this bunker, I could have bought a Winnebago.

But for those who are a bit more upscale and choosier about their apocalyptic digs, someone out of Kansas may soon be offering underground survival condos for a mere $1.75 million apiece.   There you may have your much desired exclusivity and languish in the comfort  of your Lazy Boy, oblivious to the pounding of scorched hands from those less fortunate than you.   Never think of them as the unfortunate, but view them  as fertilizer for the future landscaping you plan once the radiation has diminished.  Those fatty food diets they probably ate will play off big time as they replenish the ground.

The condo does have its drawbacks.   Yes, you might survive, but it is a long way to commute to anywhere.  You are in Kansas, after all, and being some wigged out survivalist in Kansas should be punishment all to itself.  In the aftermath of a nuclear holocaust you can be pretty sure you won’t have decent reception on your flat screen TV.

Look, this is a variation on an old theme.   People have tried this before and rather than go the collective or condo route, they dug bomb shelters into their backyards.   The stocked them with weapons, food, clothing, batteries for emergency radios and flashlights.   The shelters maybe weren’t blast proof but what Russian in his right mind was dropping a nuke on Maple Shade Lane in Levittown?    So blast proof wasn’t the issue.  You only had to survive the radiation, Grandpa’s senile reminiscing, and the fact that one nuclear family member may croak, causing you to live with the stench until the radiation outside reaches half life and you can venture out into that brave new world of devastation.

But…many did consider the bomb shelter a worthwhile investment.  There was a technical name to these people, attributable to their ability to see into the future and after careful contemplation realize what action needed to be taken.  A very precise and technical name.  Schmucks.   But then after awhile even the schmucks discovered it might not be the end of the world and started using the bomb shelter for more worthwhile purposes.  Like turning it into a sewing room, or the kiddies recreational room, or since there were beds there for having undisturbed sex with the pool boy or maid.   Practical application.  We are Americans after all.

As for the end of the world being imminent…two very basic and visceral responses pop into mind.   Not likely.  And if that is wrong…then…so what?  Yes, so what?   People are idiots and they ended the world.   They were too dumb to live and something else will come along to take our place.  Maybe enlightened protozoa.  Hard to say.  Such is life.  Such is death.

Besides, have you ever been to Barstow?   Imminent death may be a lot better than sitting it out in Barstow.

Each to Its Own Disease

Everyone tries to declare how special they are.  While various groups debate their differences, define their histories and otherwise demonstrate their significance on what is becoming a very small planet, there is one undeniable fact that lingers in the back of our brain.   We are all going to die from something.   We may die quickly and violently, or we may linger and suffer before we pass on.  But the stark fact is sooner or later we are checking out of here.

It is almost funny that this is perhaps the one remaining single fact where there is little or no debate.  We argue about everything else.   We argue about the big stuff, and we argue about the little stuff.    We argue about global warming.  We debate the merits and deficiencies of race, gender, and sexual preferences.  We argue about gravity and the age of the Earth.   We can spend hours debating the morality of everything from where to buy the best pair of jeans to driving an SUV.   We argue whether we  Darwin evolved or were a product of a divine plan explained to us ever so precisely through umpteen religions and secular theories.    We argue whether cow farts and bottled water will hurtle out planet to its impending doom.

We argue incessantly.  Taking sides and shouting each other down  has become a major industry.  You can’t market complexity and nuance, because thoughts that are complex and nuanced are disturbing and prey on our insecurities.   We are more secure with crackpot theories than we are with uncertainty.    So we argue in absolutes,  and even then we prefer to keep our absolutes simple.   If they are not simple, you can’t buy the books, go to the lectures and otherwise listen to the pundits and politicians who cater to our particular set of beliefs.   Simply put, if you can’t put your thoughts on a tee shirt, they probably ain’t worth remembering.

But then every once in awhile some actual facts escape from spin cycle and we are confronted with their statistical reality. These are not the speculative statistics or manipulated statistics, positioned just  to validate our point of  view.   No.  Instead these are the types of fact that are actually hard to argue with.   The ugly truth as it is sometimes known.    These are the simple numbers that lay reality at your feet like an abandoned child that nobody wants to nurture.    These are facts that remain consistent regardless of the cause , blame or subjectivity.  These are the facts that leave little wiggle room, that are distinctive in their certainty so that debating them appears more like futile  buffoonery than rational argument.

Such facts?   Not only are we going to die, but we are actually killing ourselves.   Maybe it’s the lemming concept or the human version of the long march to the elephant graveyard.   Maybe its gross denial mixed with complex mixtures of stupidity and ignorance.   Maybe deep down we just don’t care.  Maybe our compulsion toward self-indulgence is so great that nothing, especially common sense, will get in the way of our collective suicide.

I am not talking here about the macro levels, the easy stuff, nuclear war,  global warning, and the death of the planet.  I am not even speculating on the probability of the sun eventually burning to the cinder or a meteor clipping us when we least expect it.   Even global starvation and massive pandemics are not on the table here.   Being invaded and eaten, as Stephen Hawking recently predicted, by aliens from another planet; we can forget about that, too. I am talking about how through our lack of responsibility we are in fact taking responsibility for doing ourselves in.

You should know what you are on line levitra taking aforementioned drugs. That component along with an additional hormone manufactured in actual body cGMP cast any offering part in order to destroy the actual existence on the devastating enzymes PDE5 manufactured in the actual blood stream. cheap super viagra The condition throws them to the time super generic cialis when they can’t reachthe orgasm yet. Cures male impotence generic cialis for sale and erectile dysfunction. New studies report that nearly half the adult population in America has high cholesterol, high blood pressure, or diabetes.  One in eight is playing the quinella, where they have at least two out of three of these diseases.   According to an article in the Los Angeles Times, 15% of us are walking around unaware we are afflicted with at least one of the three diseases.   Which means to me,  folks can pontificate authoritatively about everything from the rash on our ass to the Rapture and the End of Days, and yet still walk around having no idea they are seriously ill.    We talk about lofty things like taking care of the planet and taking care of the poor, but yet we can’t seem to take care of ourselves.

What is even more interesting that certain diseases plague certain ethnic groups more than others. In America, African-Americans are prone to high blood pressure.  Those of European descent find high cholesterol gets in their way, while Latinos suffer more from diabetes.   Surely, there is some extension of these disease from one ethnic group to another, hands across the water so to speak.  Also, there are other serious diseases that afflict different groups.  I realize their are environmental concerns and individual or familial congenital defects.    And then, in terms of health and fortune, it sometimes boils down to nothing more than the luck of the draw. But for our purposes we can stick with the article and just these three diseases.

While each ethnic group seems more in peril from a particular affliction, the causes for each of the diseases are pretty much the same.   Mainly the causes revolve around smoking, a junk diet, obesity, and physical inactivity, better known as the sedentary lifestyle that makes the purchase of one of those fat mover electric scooters almost irresistible to some of the late night cable crowd.   I would think no irony should be lost on the fact that our true common ground is our self-indulgence and bad health.

I have often found it just a tad specious that just about every ethnic group likes to brag about its past.   Each ethnic group and nationality can go on for days about its glorious heritage and its contributions to civilization. There is no end to their performances and days of  glory.  Then.    It is not that a disbelieve their claims.  But often find myself searching for their particular relevance in the modern world.  I wonder if all the casting back to the past serves as a distraction from the vagaries of our present times.   I realize others will view a world through a different prism, but I tend toward the pragmatic and prefer to see how those past achievements can best be put to use in the modern day.   How do we put them to use, and where does it leave us now?

From the looks of things, it leaves us obese with hypertension, diabetes, and high cholesterol.   All represented in one form or another in the same collective rut.   So in existential terms, regardless of  specific achievements attributable to one group or another, we are all sitting here, living in denial and dying sooner than we should.   If there is any consolation; it’s all pretty democratic.   No matter what our ancestry, half of us are taking the decided inaction to let the quality of life slip out of our reach.     We talk grandiose about saving the planet, but according to the recent study, we are having a tough time saving ourselves.

We talk about being sensitive to our surrounding, aware of the environment, our fellow creatures, and the challenges we are faced with.  But yet in terms of our own well being, fifty percent of us can’t get out of our own way.  We can’t hurdle our indulgences or come to terms with the realities of our own health concerns.     Yeah, sure, we like to talk about it.    We talk about the junk food, our carnivorous habits, and the polluted air we breathe.  We even see the doctor.  Yet here we are.

So I guess at the end of all this I am forced to wonder how are we doing to do all this planet saving when we can barely hurdle our personal afflictions?   Is there any real logic to fending off hunger, water shortages, and global warming, while we continually ignore the factors causing our own demise?   Here was are, ethnically speaking, all stuck with some kind of health burden and the best we can do is to skew the statistics to our own disadvantage.  Maybe in the face of loftier ideals, the notion of the best example is the way we take care of ourselves.

The Life and Death of the Working Class

Whatever happened to the working class?   From appearances they are all around us, working in everything from the dozen manufacturing plants still remaining in the United States to the auto and truck mechanic bays and doughnut shops across this fair land of ours.   There are carpenters, plumbers, electricians, truck drivers, butchers, bakers, cab drivers, bartenders, waiters, sewer workers, construction crews, landscapers, and even farmers and cowboys.    But, amazingly, no one is working class, anymore.

At least no one ever cops to being working class.  Not in this day and age.  When was the last time you heard a politician discuss the plight of the working class?   Television news pundits never refer as working class to the blue collar worker losing his job to some eight year old kid in China.  Or to a robot, also from China.     Even the working class doesn’t describe itself as working class.   Today the working class regards itself as middle class.    The Tea Baggers, many of whom are working class, hold up signs and make speeches about the potential demise of  the middle class.    The guy that delivers your paper every morning will lament how massive media consolidation has all but destroyed his position as a middle class earner.     Despite the dirt and grime of their professions, the hard physical work and all the dangers involved, the coal miners and oil drillers consider themselves members of the middle class.  The blue collar philosopher, Eric Hoffer, would today be described in the back of his books  as the notable middle class longshoreman.    Even the crack whore working in the grimmest parts of town will tell you now she isn’t working class, but middle class, and that her livelihood is  threatened by urban renewal ramped up  by the monied elite.

Blue collar workers describing themselves as middle class, to some extent, is nothing new.  In Europe the working class considered themselves to be working class, and they wore that distinction with pride, no matter how dubious a category it may appear to a lot of us.   Even here in the  early and mid-century United States, the working class was comfortable calling itself the working class.   Hell, labor unions were first formed around that very notion.   The workers.   The working class.  They recognized they were plumbers or trades people and as such they were people who worked with their hands.  They cut meat and splattered blood on their aprons, made bread and were covered with flour.   They laid bricks and dug tunnels, worked in steel mills and manufactured tools and garments.   They got dirty and were physically tired at the end of the day from doing all that physical work.    They had their dreams and visions, but suffered few delusions as to where they stood in the face of the overall strata.   Simply put, they were working class.

But come the sixties and when America was in transition, it was increasingly uncomfortable to wear the label working class.  Being working class meant that you maybe were less than your potential and couldn’t buy all the stuff that was being offered to consumers in the post-war era of guns and butter.   If you were working class, you might have doubts as to whether you were entitled to the finer things in life.   Perhaps you weren’t meant for that wall-to-wall nylon carpeting, the station wagon, and the Amana  over-and-under frostless freezer that was touted as the prize on every game show.

Owning a television was a whole different story.   You knew, even if you were working class, that you could at least have a television, because that kept you distracted and brain dead, which nullified the chance of self-improvement and further dissension.   You also needed that TV for the commercials, so you knew how much all new  and improved lemon scented  crap was out on the market, and which brand of crap you should buy.

I came from a neighborhood in transition.   It was the rare time in American history where doctors and lawyers lived next door to plumbers, carpenters, construction workers, and the guy who owned a store.   It was the era when ethnic groups emerged from the ghettoized neighborhoods at the urban core to the city fringes and city  suburbs where developing neighborhood offered affordable housing and access to the business centers.   For some, they moved into these neighborhoods with the intention of remaining there.  For a good many others, it was a whistle stop,  the starter house between the old world neighborhoods of the inner city and the new.  This is  where you firmed up your professional practice or got your business together, before moving into the suburbs where the single family ranch-style house,  two car garage and shopping mall waited to greet you new found success.

But no matter, whether you were the steel work, plumber, or the fledgling young lawyer, the general perception was you were middle class.   Forget about the junker car, the clothing bought from off-brand stores, the cheap food, and cramped living quarters.   Forget the fact that many of the parents were only high school graduates if that, and a portion of their kids what never put their foot inside a college door.   Forget all the parochialism, and rigid stricture of the immigrant and post-immigrant class.  The perception was you were doing better then both the poor bastards who had been stuck in the old world, or the ones fortunate enough to make it here.   They didn’t eat what they wanted, and they were lucky if they had a pair of shoes.  You had two pairs of shows, your work shoes and dress shoes.   You didn’t go hungry, and you had a car to drive and a place to drive it to.  You weren’t among the poor wretches working in some cotton field or some old world factory, scuffling out a a buck.    So you had to be middle class.

That’s what America was all about, wasn’t it?  Being middle class.   If you declared yourself middle class, you demonstrated you had arrived at least in some fashion.  You were doing better than your ancestors.  They, those poor working stiffs, would have envied you.   And while you shunned some of the constraints of old world morality and bias, you embraced enough of the Calvinist sensibility of hard work and a lot of denial to register as one with the middle class.   You wanted things, and in many practical cases you could actual buy them.   Who among your ancestors  in the Irish Famine or the dregs of Lower Slobovia, had ever heard of frozen produce or TV dinners?   And here you were loaded with those wonderful Birds Eye boxes of frozen Green Giant deliciousness stored  inside your all new Amana Freezer.

So now that no one was working class anymore, you had a nation of the middle class.   That is with the exception of the rich or wealthy.   And the poor.  but the poor had nothing and weren’t going anywhere, so there was no real need to pay much attention to them, other than to cluck cluck about how pitiful it all is and call them poor no longer.   Instead they are the underclass.    Sounds better, anymore than middle class sounds better to blue collar workers than working class.   Except the poor don’t really give a damn that they are now the underclass and not poor, as no word phrase shape shift half-assed magic is going to make them anything but poor.   No dilemmas here.

An ultrasound should viagra from india online be the first step. As should be obvious, its all exceptionally straightforward and its difficult to happen here. generic levitra http://www.tonysplate.com/review_eatsmart_digital_nutrition_scale.php Many of you cheap viagra order tonysplate.com out there who are still unaware with this medicine. As an Affiliate Marketer, you effectively become cialis online from canada tonysplate.com the ‘middle man’, you help people online, to find products that they are looking for, so here’s a description on many of the forms of modeling. But enough of the poor.   Nobody likes to talk about the poor, except Mother Theresa and the patrons of a charity dinner where  a couple hundred cronies looking for a tax write off to appear noble honor a rich guy for his selflessness and generosity.   And since Mother Theresa is dead,  you won’t hear her going on and taking your time about the plight of the downtrodden and helpless.

So it’s the rich.  Once upon a time the wealthy patrician class in this country, the people who ran things, didn’t call themselves the rich.   In fact, in a vain effort to remain discreet, they didn’t call themselves anything at all.   But then they didn’t have to.     For one thing it was considered gauche and unacceptable.   Crude.    Everybody knew, anyway.   Besides, if you start calling your self the wealthy class then some of the working class might want some of your money.

But then, as the emerging wealthy class, as opposed to the established, patrician wealthy class, the Kennedy’s and the Rockefeller’s and the like,  began to make more money decorum went south for the season, and the neo-rich couldn’t resist flaunting their toys for all the world to see.  The very concept of gauche and good taste  put on its designer goodies and fled the MacMansion on a Gulfstream.   Gross consumption was the word of the day, and those who had come by recent wealth were heralded in the cross media platforms as  was heroes of the modern world.  They were to be admired, envied…and copied.

So this meant that the real middle class and of course the upper middle class– as there had to be at least an attempted distinction between the middle-middle and the upper middle–went chasing after the formerly middle but emerging wealthy class.   This meant the middle class wanted what the rich wanted, and the rich in this case were the oil barons, the bankers, real estate mavens, stock brokers, models, sports stars, and the twelve-year-old start up guys with a new kind of digital company.  Of course, this group, traditionally, were not at the pinnacle of great taste and culture.   But they had what they had, cretins or not, and the middle class wanted it, too.   And since some of the middle class was also the working class, calling themselves the middle class, you had an unprecedented  demand for what in marketing parlance is termed luxury items.

There is an inherent problem with luxury items.  It is not always easy to determine what is truly a luxury item and what is not.  Other than the price.   Once upon a time the more discerning, the connoisseurs could  discern the difference in quality from everything from food to furniture.   They were educated in the nuance and distinction.  They knew woods, fabric, drape, and workmanship.   The ability to distinguish the good stuff from the mediocre was either self-learned or  was part of the patrician package deal.   Or, at the very least, there was some cultural flunky in access who could fill them in.   How else were you going to be the ruling class and, no matter how discreetly, lord it over the masses if you didn’t know the difference between fine bone china and paper plates?

But that was a different world.   In today’s world who has time to learn all this stuff?    And even if you did, chances are in a cookie cutter world of mass consumption much of the luxury brands you are buying at premium prices are being knocked out by the same slave in the same factory in a village that ten years ago finally got running water..   So along comes branding.  You don’t actually need to know what makes something worth more, what gives it special quality and craft, form and function.  All you have to do is look at the label.  If it costs a lot, then it’s quality.   That’s it.  As with romance, politics, human behavior, or the history of the Earth, let’s not meddle in complexities.  Let’s instead carve it down to a few simple concepts that even the idiots in the cheap seats can understand.

So in the middle of all this, where in the hell is the working class?   And, more so, in this world of only one constant, that of eternal confusion, how do you make the distinction between the working class and the middle class, even the upper middle class.   The wealthy elite; that’s easy.   Just look for the Gulfstream parked in  he driveway.   But it it is only an RV taking up space in the breezeway and clogging all the neighbor’s view is the family who owns it working class and prepped for the big weekends out at Lake Somewhere, or are they middle class with a penchant for the great theme park?

Tough call.    What does make the difference between the working class and the middle class?  Is it education?  Breeding?  Income?   Is it where you buy your stuff?  But then the same designer sweat socks you paid a fortune for on Monday are selling Friday in a big box store.   So no go there.   If we  break it down to occupation, it is still pretty confusing.  Typically, a plumber or landscaper is working class.  But if he owns a company and has a fleet of fourteen trucks, and he raked it in big time in the housing boom, then maybe he is worth more than his station would indicate.  Maybe he is a wealthy guy, not wealthy class wealthy but upper middle class.   While, say  the account executive or sales manager who should be middle or upper middle class has fallen on tough times in the economic downturn in an industry that is facing obsolescence is making the same salary as the manager of a Piggly Wiggly.  If you go by salary, then maybe the troubled account executive is working class, or out of work entirely and desperately in search of a job.  But I digress.

And what about the manager in the Piggly Wiggly?  Is he working class or middle class?   If he has his name labeled on his shirt, does it make a difference as to which class he is part of.    We have to contemplate the station of the  IT guy, the techno geek, wearing the torn Mickey Mouse Tee-Shirt he bought at someone’s yard sale in order to forget he is very much under the thumb of a multi-corporate structure, is he working class or middle class?  As for the hooker, mentioned paragraphs ago.  Where is she in the class structure?  I guess as with any other commodity, it is a matter or pricing and volume.

So it would appear in the great socio-economic milieu that the working class is gone and forgotten.  It is an archaic term, I suppose, in some ways.  Everyone works, after all.